A Wee trip up North

Last Sunday's Wee Triathlon in Fort William can only be likened to participating in an ill equipped and unsupported trek to the North Pole, starting from a few miles off the nearest coastline without a boat. We were physically abused by the snowy conditions and thoroughly soaked within moments of starting the cycle due to the poor timing of the oncoming bus that churned through the world's largest slushy puddle, which we had the severe misfortune to be passing at the time. The icy tidal wave was timed to perfection for the amusement of all the passengers ensconced within. And it was in stark contrast to the intensely tropical temperatures of the Lochaber Leisure Centre swiming pool; temperatures which could only be surpassed by visiting the centre of our Sun, or the bedrooms within the Alexandra 'Hotel'. The less said about the remaining 9 miles of cycling, the better.

Lady B, who was supposed to be enjoying her first introduction to Triathlon, froze solid and I'm reliably informed that some extremities actually turned blue. It was a quick freeze feat that Captain Birdseye himself would have been proud of. Her teeth chattering was only interrupted by occasional bouts of Tourette's that would have offended even the old-school Clydeside shipyard workers. Yes, today I discovered that Triathlon is NOT for everyone.

Questions regarding the current 'Otter Series' tally should be directed towards The Editor. I can't keep abreast of what actually constitutes the counting rules, what with all the DNEs and DNSs that seem to ping-pong between us. Suffice to say that this year's Calendar is littered with unnecessary mini-Triathlons that will probably only hamper the main event and I predict that one of us will hit double figures one way or another ....

Current weight is 13 stones 4 pounds (186 pounds / 84.4 kg).