I wish I had written this, but credit goes to this chap who copied it from somewhere else.
Dating a Triathlete...
"I am an outdoors type of person." Really means: I train in any type of weather. If it's raining, snowing, 90 degrees w/100 percent humidity, or winds gusting at 30 mph. I don't want to hear any complaints because I will still train in it and you're just a big wuss for complaining about it.
"I enjoy riding my bike." Really means: with or w/o aero bars, alone or in a peleton, I don't care. If you can't do a spur of the moment 30 miler then you're not my type. I will let you draft, but if you can't hang and I drop you - I will see you later. I am a capable mechanic, but don't expect me to change your flats or tune your bike. You need to learn that on your own.
"I enjoy jogging." Really means: Let's run hills until we puke. I have just as many shoes as you only mine are better because they are functional and all look the same.
"I enjoy dining out." Really means: I enjoy eating out, in or anywhere else I can find food. Don't be shy because with the amount of food I eat, you can have that main entree instead of a salad and you will still look as though you eat like a rabbit in comparison. Don't get your limbs too close though as I may take a bite out of you. Most importantly don't expect any taste off my plate unless you can bring omething to the party like more food. Eventually though if your not burning 4,000 calories a day your going to plump up and have a terrible complex due to watching me eat deserts and not gain any weight. Friends and family will eventually decide not to dine with us anymore due to my horrid table manners. Oh, and don't ask me any questions during breakfast, Mid Morning Lunch, Lunch, Afternoon lunch, dinner or Recovery Dinner as it does not lend to efficient food intake.
"I enjoy quiet walks on the beach." Really means: Walks on the beach warming up into an 8 mile run and then plunging myself in the ocean for a 2 miler. If you get in my way you're going to find out what mass start is and let me assure you that you don't want to find out.
"I find fulfillment in charitable work." Really means: If I am not racing, I am volunteering and I expect you to be there along side me as I stand out in 90 degree weather for 8 hours handing out sports drink to cyclists going 20 mph. Just stick the ol' arm out there and hope it doesn't get taken off.
"I enjoy sharing quiet moments together." Really means: It's taper time. Just back off because I am strategizing and in a pissy mood because I am worried about my "A" race and can't workout.
"I am an active person." Really means: Aside from my 40 hour job, and the 8 mandatory hours of sleep a night. 10 hours a week are devoted to me during the off-season and 20 during race season leaving us 4 hours. 2 of which are spent inhaling food and you not talking to me, so let's make the best of the 2 hours we will spend together on average each day. If you are a licensed message therapist or doctor this would make the most optimal use of our time together. Nutritionist is also acceptable, but I probably already know just as much as you.
"I enjoy road trips and leisurely drives." Really means: You have your choice of Wisconsin, Idaho, Florida, California, Arizona, and Canada, but don't expect to do much site seeing. If I get enough support from you we might be able to include Hawaii in there.
"I enjoy site seeing." Really means: Lets grab a mountain bike and get our HR's up to 90%. There's plenty of time to look around on the descent as trees and bushes whiz by you at 40 mph.
"I like stimulating conversation." Really means: while we are running, we can talk about food. Then we can talk about how we decided what to wear on this run based on the temperature at start time versus the temperature at the time we expect to finish, how horribly out of shape we are, how many miles we did last week, and how many we will do this week and next week. Then we can talk about food.
"I enjoy relaxing soaks in the tub." Really Means: I'm going to stop on the way home and buy two bags of ice, throw them in the tub with some water, and sit in this torture chamber for 30 minutes.
"I'm interested in photography" Really Means: My camera is permanently perched a tripod in front of my trainer. I obsess over taking photos of my bike position and analyzing them to get the perfect setup.
"I'm into in technology" Really Means: My HRM and bike computer are my best friends. Until you can give me some hard data that can improve my training, don't bother trying to buddy up to me. You could one day break into the top three if I find you as entertaining on long runs and rides as my mp3 player.
Current weight is 13 stones (182 pounds / 82.5 kg).
Wednesday, 17 September 2008
Thursday, 11 September 2008
Back to "normal"
My knee appears to be fixed.
The lady physio certainly knew what she was talking about. Either that, or my recovery miraculously coincided with her treatment. Hillwalking last weekend was without incident, after attempting to walk and run on the ball of my foot - especially on the downward sections. Even cycling is enjoyable again, not having to worry about snapping anything mechanical (related to the new mountain bike) or physical (related to my lower leg).
One week of training left now before the Big Triathlon. I see that 60 other "normal" people have entered so far! Will The Editor be adding to the field?
Current weight is 13 stones (182 pounds / 82.5 kg).
The lady physio certainly knew what she was talking about. Either that, or my recovery miraculously coincided with her treatment. Hillwalking last weekend was without incident, after attempting to walk and run on the ball of my foot - especially on the downward sections. Even cycling is enjoyable again, not having to worry about snapping anything mechanical (related to the new mountain bike) or physical (related to my lower leg).
One week of training left now before the Big Triathlon. I see that 60 other "normal" people have entered so far! Will The Editor be adding to the field?
Current weight is 13 stones (182 pounds / 82.5 kg).
Monday, 1 September 2008
Iliotibial irregularity
I now know quite a lot about knees. Nothing to trouble a scientist bod, and nothing I won't soon forget, but for the moment I know a lot more than I did last week. The pain has been narrowed down to mainly tendonitis. The "visible" manifestation being a very tight iliotibial tendon on my right leg. This has been creating the pain I've experienced on the opposite side of the knee, and now makes perfect sense considering the discomfort I've been experiencing.
I didn't just make this up. I went to see a professional. Actually, I previously self-diagnosed a completely different ailment, with an unsurprisingly contradictory treatment plan. However, the guilt of pressing ahead regardless with step ups and plyometric jumps has now lifted entirely. Actually, the physio informed me that the worst thing to do was to stop all exercise.
Tonight I responded with a vigorous 15k off-road bike reintroduction to the training schedule and caked myself in mud. After a couple of iliotibial related "oohs", "errs" and "I don't know about this", it appears that I've gained considerable benefit from actually using the leg again. The Big Ben Nevis triathlon appears to be no longer in doubt! Especially considering I didn't drown on my first real open water swim in Loch Tay yesterday.
If only I'd gone to see the physio two weeks ago, it would have advanced the pleasure of sitting in the same room as a beautiful young woman, watching as she expertly composed an image my quadricipital muscle structure in her mind with fingertips as her only tool, then diagnosing and treating my knee issue before commanding me to demonstrate my squatting technique; all of this whilst dressed in nothing more than my pants. Oh, of course, and I would have had an extra two weeks training.
She also informed me that my running technique needs to dramatically change to avoid serious long term issues.
Current weight is 13 stones (182 pounds / 82.5 kg).
I didn't just make this up. I went to see a professional. Actually, I previously self-diagnosed a completely different ailment, with an unsurprisingly contradictory treatment plan. However, the guilt of pressing ahead regardless with step ups and plyometric jumps has now lifted entirely. Actually, the physio informed me that the worst thing to do was to stop all exercise.
Tonight I responded with a vigorous 15k off-road bike reintroduction to the training schedule and caked myself in mud. After a couple of iliotibial related "oohs", "errs" and "I don't know about this", it appears that I've gained considerable benefit from actually using the leg again. The Big Ben Nevis triathlon appears to be no longer in doubt! Especially considering I didn't drown on my first real open water swim in Loch Tay yesterday.
If only I'd gone to see the physio two weeks ago, it would have advanced the pleasure of sitting in the same room as a beautiful young woman, watching as she expertly composed an image my quadricipital muscle structure in her mind with fingertips as her only tool, then diagnosing and treating my knee issue before commanding me to demonstrate my squatting technique; all of this whilst dressed in nothing more than my pants. Oh, of course, and I would have had an extra two weeks training.
She also informed me that my running technique needs to dramatically change to avoid serious long term issues.
Current weight is 13 stones (182 pounds / 82.5 kg).
Wednesday, 27 August 2008
Step up, the Doctor
After the trial run for the "Big Ben Nevis" Triathlon, my right knee has been giving me serious amounts of discomfort. So much so, that I've not really used it for 16 days (barring a drunken 6.8k jog home from the pub). I'm chomping at the bit to get some excercise done! Last night I thought I'd experiment with a short 5k run to test how the recovery is progressing.
The recovery was not progressing very well. I went to bed with a throbbing knee and awoke with a similarly throbbing knee.
Having previously arranged a cycle ride for tonight with an attractive member of the opposite sex, I was fully planning to stuggle through the pain. But after a no show, I ended up in the gym. 3 minutes on the elliptical runner resulted in a sore knee. A switch to the reclining bike and a further 3 minutes later, a sore knee. FFS.
I switched to some staight leg, quad strengthening excercises, but got bored pretty quickly, so I decided to attempt some step ups as an experiment. Well, it was almost like something snapped back into place and the pain all but disappeared. I did bench step ups with 20kg weights. Then I did some plyometric jumps. Then I rested, satisfied that I had achieved some good this evening.
I awoke the next morning with a sore knee! It must have been the ibuprofen.
Bugger.
Physio next Sunday.
Current weight is 13 stones (182 pounds / 82.5 kg).
The recovery was not progressing very well. I went to bed with a throbbing knee and awoke with a similarly throbbing knee.
Having previously arranged a cycle ride for tonight with an attractive member of the opposite sex, I was fully planning to stuggle through the pain. But after a no show, I ended up in the gym. 3 minutes on the elliptical runner resulted in a sore knee. A switch to the reclining bike and a further 3 minutes later, a sore knee. FFS.
I switched to some staight leg, quad strengthening excercises, but got bored pretty quickly, so I decided to attempt some step ups as an experiment. Well, it was almost like something snapped back into place and the pain all but disappeared. I did bench step ups with 20kg weights. Then I did some plyometric jumps. Then I rested, satisfied that I had achieved some good this evening.
I awoke the next morning with a sore knee! It must have been the ibuprofen.
Bugger.
Physio next Sunday.
Current weight is 13 stones (182 pounds / 82.5 kg).
Wednesday, 20 August 2008
Whisky, 7 pounds
No, not pounds Sterling. Unfortunately.
Another wedding weekend, meaning 3 days of *ahem* "binge" drinking and eating. This is closely followed by another few mornings carefully positioning myself on the scales to try and elicit a weighty white lie from them, thus reducing the annoyance factor. Curse German precision manufacturing.
It always takes until Wednesday to recover, weight wise.
Another 4 days of festivities are fast approaching. My favourite drinking buddy arrives on Friday for a long weekend of low and high brow Fringe Events followed by an "all you can eat" BBQ.
All these days off, whilst very enjoyable, and actually beneficial towards the recovery of my knee, are not really helping my training for the "Big Ben Nevis Triathlon". In fact, my trainer's face turned paper white when I told her of the impending workload. That was before I even informed her of my temporarily handicapped knee. You can imagine what she thinks of my own mental state.
The conversation went something like this. "You need to train me for a mammoth swimming, cycling and running event in 4 and a half weeks. Oh, and I can't use my knees."
"You are a *** ... expletive removed ... *** idiot."
Well, at least the swimming should be OK.
Current weight is 13 stones 2 pounds (184 pounds / 83.5 kg).
Another wedding weekend, meaning 3 days of *ahem* "binge" drinking and eating. This is closely followed by another few mornings carefully positioning myself on the scales to try and elicit a weighty white lie from them, thus reducing the annoyance factor. Curse German precision manufacturing.
It always takes until Wednesday to recover, weight wise.
Another 4 days of festivities are fast approaching. My favourite drinking buddy arrives on Friday for a long weekend of low and high brow Fringe Events followed by an "all you can eat" BBQ.
All these days off, whilst very enjoyable, and actually beneficial towards the recovery of my knee, are not really helping my training for the "Big Ben Nevis Triathlon". In fact, my trainer's face turned paper white when I told her of the impending workload. That was before I even informed her of my temporarily handicapped knee. You can imagine what she thinks of my own mental state.
The conversation went something like this. "You need to train me for a mammoth swimming, cycling and running event in 4 and a half weeks. Oh, and I can't use my knees."
"You are a *** ... expletive removed ... *** idiot."
Well, at least the swimming should be OK.
Current weight is 13 stones 2 pounds (184 pounds / 83.5 kg).
Monday, 11 August 2008
Sore knees and 1,200 calorie snacks
Being a typical male and fearing the worst, I think I have developed patellofemoral syndrome, or runner's knee. Now that didn't take long, did it. The fact that it's notably most common among post-pubescent girls gives less than slight comfort to my ailing right patella. It's actually bloody sore, leaving my right leg pretty redundant when it comes to moving around. Camping in a small tent doesn't particularly lend itself to the recouperation process either. Of course, this would never had happened if I hadn't lost all the weight and decided to do things that quite simply put, "aren't normal".
It was on the upward leg of Ben Nevis when I overheard an ambling couple, who had already peaked, chatting about the virtues of hill walking. The man declared to his partner, "The whole point is that you've climbed the UK's highest mountain". She just just didn't get it, but I wasn't long enough in passing to witness the follow up discussion.
Quite frankly, on the way up, I didn't get it either, ascending for more than one hour over the massive of depressing, mist drenched mountain. Approaching the summit of Ben Nevis in cloud is much like life in the trenches as portrayed in old black and white war movies.
But the way down, oh boy! It's quite amazing how you can draw the crowd's attention when you are bounding down the hill like an escaped lunatic. I can still see each and every rain soaked, bemused and bewildered look as I elegantly and delicately slipped, slided and crashed my way down the hill at speed. I daren't even turn around to inspect the amusement adorning those who witnessed my full commando roll, the result of stumbling and losing my footing over a drainage trench. Thankfully, my half full (yes, The Editor, still half full) camel-back offered sufficient protection that I simply bounced out of the daring manoeuvre on the up-stroke and carried on. Well, I did come to a hobbling stop 50 yards later to inspect for blood, but was swiftly heading downwards again when I confirmed all the bones were still in the right place and my skin was still keeping almost everything inside. The only 'damage' of note to property was discovered at the bottom, where my spare fleece was damp and smelling decidedly orangey following a slight expression from my drinks bladder.
Having completed this weekend's training exercise, I found a particular issue with food intake. Researching dietary requirements during long distance events, a competitor can often burn over 7,000 calories during such day of training or competition. I can confirm that I have barely managed to contain my appetite, more than 24 hours after the event. After eating considerable amounts of chips, cheese, noodles, more pasta than you could imagine, crisp snacks, an entire shoulder of lamb, more cheese, a huge packet of chocolate and an entire bottle of whisky, I am barely satisfied. That doesn't even include the high calorie intake during the training either!
Current weight is 13 stones 4 pounds (186 pounds / 84.4 kg).
It was on the upward leg of Ben Nevis when I overheard an ambling couple, who had already peaked, chatting about the virtues of hill walking. The man declared to his partner, "The whole point is that you've climbed the UK's highest mountain". She just just didn't get it, but I wasn't long enough in passing to witness the follow up discussion.
Quite frankly, on the way up, I didn't get it either, ascending for more than one hour over the massive of depressing, mist drenched mountain. Approaching the summit of Ben Nevis in cloud is much like life in the trenches as portrayed in old black and white war movies.
But the way down, oh boy! It's quite amazing how you can draw the crowd's attention when you are bounding down the hill like an escaped lunatic. I can still see each and every rain soaked, bemused and bewildered look as I elegantly and delicately slipped, slided and crashed my way down the hill at speed. I daren't even turn around to inspect the amusement adorning those who witnessed my full commando roll, the result of stumbling and losing my footing over a drainage trench. Thankfully, my half full (yes, The Editor, still half full) camel-back offered sufficient protection that I simply bounced out of the daring manoeuvre on the up-stroke and carried on. Well, I did come to a hobbling stop 50 yards later to inspect for blood, but was swiftly heading downwards again when I confirmed all the bones were still in the right place and my skin was still keeping almost everything inside. The only 'damage' of note to property was discovered at the bottom, where my spare fleece was damp and smelling decidedly orangey following a slight expression from my drinks bladder.
Having completed this weekend's training exercise, I found a particular issue with food intake. Researching dietary requirements during long distance events, a competitor can often burn over 7,000 calories during such day of training or competition. I can confirm that I have barely managed to contain my appetite, more than 24 hours after the event. After eating considerable amounts of chips, cheese, noodles, more pasta than you could imagine, crisp snacks, an entire shoulder of lamb, more cheese, a huge packet of chocolate and an entire bottle of whisky, I am barely satisfied. That doesn't even include the high calorie intake during the training either!
Current weight is 13 stones 4 pounds (186 pounds / 84.4 kg).
Sunday, 3 August 2008
Vicious circle
It's fair to say that July hasn't been the best month for weight loss so far. In fact, I haven't lost a pound. Not a single one.
Many would consider that a great disappointment, but I am viewing it a little more philosophically. Looking at the situation with rose tinted glasses, it shows that I can maintain a steady weight quite easy, and in doing so, can stuff my face with Salt and Vinegar Rice Pringles, Belgian Chocolate covered nuts, home made scones, clotted cream, jam, chocolate, whisky, more whisky, even more whisky and generally all things nice. But I wouldn't want to take this too far.
In fact, to maintain my current weight and regain some fitness after a couple of weeks of enforced lightened training with unenforced increased eating, I have significantly stepped up the calorific expenditure. It still amuses me that I'm actually enjoying it too.
Monday: 10km off road teaser, to see if I could do it.
Tuesday: 25 minutes on the treadmill at up to 13.5 km/h, followed by a 40 minute upper body workout.
Wednesday: worked all*&%$££* day and evening.
Thursday: I can now happily report that my very first 10km time trial on a road route ended in 51 minutes and 28 seconds. Then I went to Swim Club.
Friday: A day of rest.
Saturday: I cycled 22.5 km to a Munro, ran 5.7km up it, ran back down and cycled home.
Sunday: I decided that my knees needed some recovery time!
It was a week of self discovery. I discovered that when I exercise a lot, my body screams for more fuel, especially in the form of carbs, and my mental state is currently too weak to oppose.
Judging by my current weight of 13 stones 6 pounds (188 pounds / 85.3 kg), either I've really got to return to a stricter eating pattern or step up the exercise again.
Many would consider that a great disappointment, but I am viewing it a little more philosophically. Looking at the situation with rose tinted glasses, it shows that I can maintain a steady weight quite easy, and in doing so, can stuff my face with Salt and Vinegar Rice Pringles, Belgian Chocolate covered nuts, home made scones, clotted cream, jam, chocolate, whisky, more whisky, even more whisky and generally all things nice. But I wouldn't want to take this too far.
In fact, to maintain my current weight and regain some fitness after a couple of weeks of enforced lightened training with unenforced increased eating, I have significantly stepped up the calorific expenditure. It still amuses me that I'm actually enjoying it too.
Monday: 10km off road teaser, to see if I could do it.
Tuesday: 25 minutes on the treadmill at up to 13.5 km/h, followed by a 40 minute upper body workout.
Wednesday: worked all*&%$££* day and evening.
Thursday: I can now happily report that my very first 10km time trial on a road route ended in 51 minutes and 28 seconds. Then I went to Swim Club.
Friday: A day of rest.
Saturday: I cycled 22.5 km to a Munro, ran 5.7km up it, ran back down and cycled home.
Sunday: I decided that my knees needed some recovery time!
It was a week of self discovery. I discovered that when I exercise a lot, my body screams for more fuel, especially in the form of carbs, and my mental state is currently too weak to oppose.
Judging by my current weight of 13 stones 6 pounds (188 pounds / 85.3 kg), either I've really got to return to a stricter eating pattern or step up the exercise again.
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