Psssshhh. The bike tyre went flat in under 3 seconds.
I called The Editor so he could laugh at me for ignoring his advice regarding Kevlar bands.
Ring, ring, ring, "Puncture is it?". I think he'd started laughing before he even answered the phone, having already diagnosed the problem purely by the ring. Remarkable.
There followed a tentative 8km run back home, wearing cleated cycle shoes.
A year ago, I'd have been phoning a rescue service. Now I just get on with it.
Current weight is 13 stones (182 pounds / 82.5 kg).
Monday 22 December 2008
Wednesday 17 December 2008
No more Mrs Nice Girl
My personal trainer completely lost the plot tonight. I think she mixed up her workout plans and had me confused with either The Incredible Hulk or The Thing from The Fantastic Four.
After some lengthy discussions about her state of mind, we proceeded, in a disorderly fashion, to pile on more weights that I had even thought possible, let alone sensible.
First, the Squat. This was surprisingly OK after removing 50kg from the first attempted weight that I couldn't even raise off the rack. What remained was still 50kg more than I had previously lifted, which caused my legs to resonating markedly. "Good, that's really great." comes the positive encouragement from my trainer. I briefly lost focus due to my right eyeball momentarily popping out and bouncing off my eyelashes.
Next, the Deadlift. It was pitiful. I only managed 10kg more than my previous best. And multiple attempts proved that my knees are too big and get in the way.
Moving swiftly on to the finale, the Bench Press. I was at a disadvantage, not having performed this in over a month, but I happily managed 5kg more than my previous best.
According to The Aasgaard Company, 2006, my performance rates as follows:
Squat: Intermediate. Obviously, my quads are progressing nicely.
Dead lift: Untrained to Novice. Obviously, my hamstrings are not.
Bench press: Untrained to Novice. Apparently I still have man boobs.
The problem is that "Untrained" in the above context represents the minimum level of strength required to maintain a reasonable quality of life in a sedentary individual.
Oh dear.
Every now and again, it's useful to go through a grounding experience. This was more like a kick in the teeth, though. Thank you Assguard.
Nuts and a tuna salad are my only comfort this evening.
Current weight is 13 stones 2 pounds (184 pounds / 83.5 kg).
After some lengthy discussions about her state of mind, we proceeded, in a disorderly fashion, to pile on more weights that I had even thought possible, let alone sensible.
First, the Squat. This was surprisingly OK after removing 50kg from the first attempted weight that I couldn't even raise off the rack. What remained was still 50kg more than I had previously lifted, which caused my legs to resonating markedly. "Good, that's really great." comes the positive encouragement from my trainer. I briefly lost focus due to my right eyeball momentarily popping out and bouncing off my eyelashes.
Next, the Deadlift. It was pitiful. I only managed 10kg more than my previous best. And multiple attempts proved that my knees are too big and get in the way.
Moving swiftly on to the finale, the Bench Press. I was at a disadvantage, not having performed this in over a month, but I happily managed 5kg more than my previous best.
According to The Aasgaard Company, 2006, my performance rates as follows:
Squat: Intermediate. Obviously, my quads are progressing nicely.
Dead lift: Untrained to Novice. Obviously, my hamstrings are not.
Bench press: Untrained to Novice. Apparently I still have man boobs.
The problem is that "Untrained" in the above context represents the minimum level of strength required to maintain a reasonable quality of life in a sedentary individual.
Oh dear.
Every now and again, it's useful to go through a grounding experience. This was more like a kick in the teeth, though. Thank you Assguard.
Nuts and a tuna salad are my only comfort this evening.
Current weight is 13 stones 2 pounds (184 pounds / 83.5 kg).
Tuesday 9 December 2008
Chaos theory
Chaos theory describes the behaviour of certain dynamical systems (systems whose states evolve with time) that are highly sensitive to small permutations in initial conditions. Tiny fluctuations of input values can lead to exponentially increasing variances of outcomes. To put it another way, one small cock up at the start can result in a complete and utter balls up later on.
"It's not cold enough to die" were the comforting words offered to me by The Editor as we decided if we should spend a December night here, on the east side of Loch Ericht; X marks the spot:
Two days later and I still haven't recovered feeling in the outer quarter of my left foot's big toe.
You'll see from the map that there are no hotels, B&Bs, camp sites, houses, roads, tracks, paths, or even animal life for many, many miles. And it's now 4pm in December; i.e. dark. It was either this, or risk going "over the top" as they called it in 1914, back over some hill that led to ?. Oh, and did I mention that we weren't carrying adequate equipment for such an event. It was only a stroke of laziness that meant a torch had remained in my rucksack from a previous outing.
This won't be happening again; eBay is going to take a battering over the next couple of weeks and I'll be carrying enough equipment to invade a small country, with leftovers to supply the SAS.
Had we actually had the section of map covering this area, we would have chosen not to walk towards Dalwhinnie along this route even in bright sunshine, let alone in near total darkness. In reality, had we not been focused on dealing with my lady issues, this wouldn't have happened in the first place. Mental note to self: wait until the car is in sight before opening up any cans of worms.
I actually found the episode perversely enjoyable, as it was a proper survivalist test of stamina. I now know that I can physically cope with an unprepared 6 and a half hour walk out to avoid potentially very serious consequences, although it would have been better conducted on a warm, sunny, summer's evening.
The other positive outcome is that I now appear to have developed calf muscles similar to those of an elephant and I am very good at contouring around a hillside that slopes upwards to my right, especially at night.
I have eaten chips and sausage rolls in celebration.
Current weight is 13 stones (182 pounds / 82.5 kg).
"It's not cold enough to die" were the comforting words offered to me by The Editor as we decided if we should spend a December night here, on the east side of Loch Ericht; X marks the spot:
Two days later and I still haven't recovered feeling in the outer quarter of my left foot's big toe.
You'll see from the map that there are no hotels, B&Bs, camp sites, houses, roads, tracks, paths, or even animal life for many, many miles. And it's now 4pm in December; i.e. dark. It was either this, or risk going "over the top" as they called it in 1914, back over some hill that led to ?. Oh, and did I mention that we weren't carrying adequate equipment for such an event. It was only a stroke of laziness that meant a torch had remained in my rucksack from a previous outing.
This won't be happening again; eBay is going to take a battering over the next couple of weeks and I'll be carrying enough equipment to invade a small country, with leftovers to supply the SAS.
Had we actually had the section of map covering this area, we would have chosen not to walk towards Dalwhinnie along this route even in bright sunshine, let alone in near total darkness. In reality, had we not been focused on dealing with my lady issues, this wouldn't have happened in the first place. Mental note to self: wait until the car is in sight before opening up any cans of worms.
I actually found the episode perversely enjoyable, as it was a proper survivalist test of stamina. I now know that I can physically cope with an unprepared 6 and a half hour walk out to avoid potentially very serious consequences, although it would have been better conducted on a warm, sunny, summer's evening.
The other positive outcome is that I now appear to have developed calf muscles similar to those of an elephant and I am very good at contouring around a hillside that slopes upwards to my right, especially at night.
I have eaten chips and sausage rolls in celebration.
Current weight is 13 stones (182 pounds / 82.5 kg).
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