Ironman France arrives.
The nerves only emerged when we were nearing the starting point on the Promenade des Anglais at 5.30 am, looking out to sea. Neither The Editor nor I could see the buoys marking the first loop of the swim. Nor could the other 100 fellow entrants who were also gesticulating out to see. That meant it was going to be a very long way. Photographs taken of us just before we entered the preparation area indicate that the nerves hadn't abated by that point.
The first leg of the swim was like fighting your way through a fish farm. 2600 swimmers in a very small area of sea leads to a lot of slapping and kicking and hitting. Quite possibly some deliberate punching too, judging by how I was feeling. Every now and then you are sardined together with someone of similar stroke, like the swimming equivalent of a three legged race. You have to breathe to the other side to avoid getting your goggles whacked off. Occasionally, and randomly throughout the first swim loop, with less than 5 or 10 seconds warning, I spotted "the manic perpendicular swimmer" who for whatever reason hasn't looked where they should be going and would charge at you from the side. Since you can't afford to stop and waste time, you just have to continue swimming strongly and brace for the crash. These tangential kamikazes soon stop to reassess their current course immediately after impact. The first loop acted as a performance filter, allowing the second loop to be performed amongst peers; altogether a much more pleasant experience.
But it was shortly into the bike leg that I found out the organisers had lied to us.
The French idea of "flat" is very different from my own. I had been expecting a bit of a tough hill to cycle up at the 50km marker that would last for about 20km. Instead the climb began at the 20km marker and lasted for over 50km. After 30km, I asked anyone who would listen if this was the Col de l'Ecre. Not many listened, which is just as well really, as I was much better off not knowing that we hadn't even reached the start of the real climb.
I now know what it feels like to cycle uphill continuously for longer than all bar three of my entire training cycle rides. When you try to explain to Average Joe that this uphill was further than their 45 minute car commute to work, they just don't get it. And then we had 110km to go before the 42km marathon run. If you stopped to think about that during the cycle, you would end up sitting down and waiting for the sweeper bus to collect you as it made the last round of the course.
But what goes up must come down. And quite quickly too. Having the "advantage" of a perfectly average 16% body fat (as opposed to The Editor's 6%), the return part of the bike is dispensed with very quickly, and without a huge effort. This is truly gravity in action. It's annoying that about 12% of my body fat hangs around my midriff, although it helped me return to transition with the clock showing only 8 hours and 1 minute.
And so to the run. My overriding thought, right from the very first step, was to just make it to the next aid station, 1.7km away. It became apparent quite early that there was a lot of farting going on. Unusually for me, I'd already de-winded during the bike leg, so I didn't have much left to give. The other runners weren't holding back, though. Presumably they had been drinking too much of the not-so-flat flat coke that was on offer.
I'm usually a genteel chap, but it was quite heartening to be running past others who were walking and limping their way around the course. Under normal circumstances, I would rush to help someone whom I'd just watched collapse on the road ahead. But during Ironman, you just keep rushing on by. A stretcher will appear soon enough to whisk them away to a re-hydrating drip. In fact, the only time I came to a standstill on the run was at "Pishy corner", the slightly sheltered section of the run that everyone, boys and girls, decided to convert to an outdoor ablution area. I never believed a woman could pee standing up until I witnessed the same.
There were a number of noteworthy experiences that took place during the run. Knowing I would finish, despite hitting the wall after running 13 miles, with another 13 still to go on badly blistered feet. Not getting out of breath at any point, although that's what endurance training is all about. Being heartened and motivated by the cheering of complete strangers. Surprised that my body could accept yet another energy drink and carbohydrate gel right to the end. But mainly amazing myself that I had enough energy left to sprint the last 2km.
That last statement means that I could have gone faster, which is the addictive appeal of Triathlon.
My recovery was greatly assisted by the free bar at the after race party.
Overall target = achieved.
Next ...... !
Tuesday 30 June 2009
Thursday 25 June 2009
Cannes we do it?
It's like running the gauntlet over here. If it's not avoiding the full blown, severe cold bug passed from The Editor to The Editor's wife 2 days before our trip, it's navigating safe passage through the rush hour French traffic during our quick cycle over to Cannes to loosen the legs. Funny how you feel safe inside a metal box and so vulnerable outside of it.
The Editor's early morning bipolar episodes of rapid discharge horrified the neighbouring campers. At least they didn't happen both at the same time, what with only his head making it out of the tent to vomit. I can't imagine what his wife would have made of that, had she been trapped inside the tent still. I think it's nerves - all in the mind; pre-race tension. 24 hours later and it's back to normal.
Well, that is until we go to register and it all becomes overwhelmingly real .....
Current weight is unknown, but there's not much eating in this heat.
The Editor's early morning bipolar episodes of rapid discharge horrified the neighbouring campers. At least they didn't happen both at the same time, what with only his head making it out of the tent to vomit. I can't imagine what his wife would have made of that, had she been trapped inside the tent still. I think it's nerves - all in the mind; pre-race tension. 24 hours later and it's back to normal.
Well, that is until we go to register and it all becomes overwhelmingly real .....
Current weight is unknown, but there's not much eating in this heat.
Friday 19 June 2009
Ironman France approaches
I just clicked on to the Ironman France website to check out where to see the live internet coverage.
Seulement 9 jours jusqu'à l'Ironman France 2009 !
You don't have to speak French to know that's serious.
I can already feel the nervous energy and hear the deafening silence of those final 10 seconds before the start of the race. My blood just ran cold. I am properly sh**ing myself now.
Current weight is 13 stones 2 pounds (184 pounds / 83.5 kg).
Seulement 9 jours jusqu'à l'Ironman France 2009 !
You don't have to speak French to know that's serious.
I can already feel the nervous energy and hear the deafening silence of those final 10 seconds before the start of the race. My blood just ran cold. I am properly sh**ing myself now.
Current weight is 13 stones 2 pounds (184 pounds / 83.5 kg).
Monday 15 June 2009
Out of breath
Hardly. And that's the thing.
Yesterday I was mountain biking for 3 hours up some crazy land rover tracks and then I went for a hilly 1 hour run on steep forest trails. At the end of it, I had a cup of coffee, a couple of chicken rolls, 2 pieces of cake and went home. And I did that for fun because I was getting a bit fed up of Ironman training.
At no point did I feel the need to stop. At no point was I even out of breath. My aerobic capacity has increased to such a level that it's only really useful for endurance events. What will happen after Ironman?
Current weight is 13 stones 6 pounds (188 pounds / 85.3 kg)
Yesterday I was mountain biking for 3 hours up some crazy land rover tracks and then I went for a hilly 1 hour run on steep forest trails. At the end of it, I had a cup of coffee, a couple of chicken rolls, 2 pieces of cake and went home. And I did that for fun because I was getting a bit fed up of Ironman training.
At no point did I feel the need to stop. At no point was I even out of breath. My aerobic capacity has increased to such a level that it's only really useful for endurance events. What will happen after Ironman?
Current weight is 13 stones 6 pounds (188 pounds / 85.3 kg)
Monday 8 June 2009
Triathlon anniversary
This time last year I was extremely nervous about competing in my first Sprint Triathlon. It was the first test of my weight loss, and one of the major goals I had been gearing my training towards.
This year I slept in and only managed to participate in the race after The Editor managed to register for me. Turning up 5 minutes after registration has closed, and 1 minute before Transition closes is not the wisest race strategy. But the extra 30 minutes in bed paid off.
In June, 2008, I came 121st out of 262, with a time of 1 hour, 27 minutes and 5 seconds.
In June, 2009, I came 38th out of 261, with a time of 1 hour, 14 minutes and 49 seconds.
My swim time improved 12 seconds. But this time I didn't even approach my anearobic threshold and I left the pool feeling great and ready for the bike.
My bike time improved by 5:07, partly due to using a merely 19 year old bicycle instead of a 59 year old one, but mostly due to my quads.
My run time improved by 6:43. That is considerable, and the visible result of a year of training.
Combined with an improvement in transition times, that's a overall 12 minute, 16 second improvement, which equates to around 14%.
The Editor wonders what I might have achieved if I'd started all this 14 years ago when I had youth on my side. Thankfully I was too busy eating pizza and drinking beer to think about it.
Current weight is 13 stones 4 pounds (186 pounds / 84.4 kg).
This year I slept in and only managed to participate in the race after The Editor managed to register for me. Turning up 5 minutes after registration has closed, and 1 minute before Transition closes is not the wisest race strategy. But the extra 30 minutes in bed paid off.
In June, 2008, I came 121st out of 262, with a time of 1 hour, 27 minutes and 5 seconds.
In June, 2009, I came 38th out of 261, with a time of 1 hour, 14 minutes and 49 seconds.
My swim time improved 12 seconds. But this time I didn't even approach my anearobic threshold and I left the pool feeling great and ready for the bike.
My bike time improved by 5:07, partly due to using a merely 19 year old bicycle instead of a 59 year old one, but mostly due to my quads.
My run time improved by 6:43. That is considerable, and the visible result of a year of training.
Combined with an improvement in transition times, that's a overall 12 minute, 16 second improvement, which equates to around 14%.
The Editor wonders what I might have achieved if I'd started all this 14 years ago when I had youth on my side. Thankfully I was too busy eating pizza and drinking beer to think about it.
Current weight is 13 stones 4 pounds (186 pounds / 84.4 kg).
Thursday 4 June 2009
Swim times
This week's key swim session was 3.4km. It's the last long distance swim shown in my training plan before The Event, so I was prepared to put in a decent effort. I've always hoped to break the 60 minute barrier for my open water swim time, which I believe would equate to a 20m pool time of under 70 minutes, but despite all the training I've been doing and numerous technique improvements, I've never actually made significant gains on my time. What I have achieved is to leave the pool feeling fresh after swimming for over hour, albeit more than a little hungry.
I break down long pool swims into 50 lengths to try and remove some of the intense monotony. The first 50 lengths were completed in 19 minutes and 33 seconds. Not too bad, and I felt pretty good at this point. The clock showed 39 minutes and 3 seconds at the end of the next 50 lengths. If you hold on a moment, I'll do the maths .... 3 seconds quicker than the first 50! I laughed out loud in disbelief that I could complete two sets of 50 lengths and finish them to within 3 seconds of each other. I was not the only one displaying disbelief; the old lady who happened to be parked at the end of the pool whilst I was checking my times looked extremely perplexed, wondering why my watch was so amusing.
The third set of 50 lengths took 19 minutes and 38 seconds, and the remaining 20 lengths a further 7 minutes and 53 seconds.
To summarise mathematically, which I'm sure you weren't hoping for, my actual swim time for 170 lengths was 66 minutes and 34 seconds and if you pro-rata my first 50 lengths, it gives a projected swim time of 66 minutes and 28 seconds.
To summarise generally, my swimming stroke is very, very consistent.
And just to cool down after the swim, a quick 120 minute cycle up a consistently steep hill. The things I now consider normal ...
Current weight is 13 stones 4 pounds (186 pounds / 84.4 kg).
I break down long pool swims into 50 lengths to try and remove some of the intense monotony. The first 50 lengths were completed in 19 minutes and 33 seconds. Not too bad, and I felt pretty good at this point. The clock showed 39 minutes and 3 seconds at the end of the next 50 lengths. If you hold on a moment, I'll do the maths .... 3 seconds quicker than the first 50! I laughed out loud in disbelief that I could complete two sets of 50 lengths and finish them to within 3 seconds of each other. I was not the only one displaying disbelief; the old lady who happened to be parked at the end of the pool whilst I was checking my times looked extremely perplexed, wondering why my watch was so amusing.
The third set of 50 lengths took 19 minutes and 38 seconds, and the remaining 20 lengths a further 7 minutes and 53 seconds.
To summarise mathematically, which I'm sure you weren't hoping for, my actual swim time for 170 lengths was 66 minutes and 34 seconds and if you pro-rata my first 50 lengths, it gives a projected swim time of 66 minutes and 28 seconds.
To summarise generally, my swimming stroke is very, very consistent.
And just to cool down after the swim, a quick 120 minute cycle up a consistently steep hill. The things I now consider normal ...
Current weight is 13 stones 4 pounds (186 pounds / 84.4 kg).
Monday 1 June 2009
Normal behaviour ...
I went Kayaking last Saturday. Perfectly normal behaviour.
But the kayaking took place near Glencoe, and I decided it would be a perfect time to get in a long cycle. So I cycled the 110 miles back home, using the premise that I couldn't cheat and stop early without having an unexpected hotel bill. Not unreasonable behaviour, albeit slightly eccentric.
Then I went for a quick 30 minute jog. The transition was not from bike to run. It was from sane to insane. I crossed the line of what can realistically be classified as normal behaviour. I didn't actually realise that I had crossed this line until this morning, when I woke up without any aches or pains and carried on with life as normal.
Current weight is 13 stones 4 pounds (186 pounds / 84.4 kg). It goes up and down a little, but it's still about the same.
But the kayaking took place near Glencoe, and I decided it would be a perfect time to get in a long cycle. So I cycled the 110 miles back home, using the premise that I couldn't cheat and stop early without having an unexpected hotel bill. Not unreasonable behaviour, albeit slightly eccentric.
Then I went for a quick 30 minute jog. The transition was not from bike to run. It was from sane to insane. I crossed the line of what can realistically be classified as normal behaviour. I didn't actually realise that I had crossed this line until this morning, when I woke up without any aches or pains and carried on with life as normal.
Current weight is 13 stones 4 pounds (186 pounds / 84.4 kg). It goes up and down a little, but it's still about the same.
Tuesday 26 May 2009
Ryanair training
A quick flight down to Marseille to do some running and swimming along the Côte d'Azur; £70.
A nice hotel to relax by the pool; € many.
Finding out that running in 30 degree heat is going to be very, very painful; € %£$&*$€
I would normally drink a few sips of water very 25 to 30 minutes when running about in Scotland. I was drinking a good few gulps every 5 to 8 minutes in France. I ended up consuming 500ml every 30 minutes and that was with enforced rationing, as I simply couldn't carry enough with me, nor could I have guessed that I'd go through so much. I could easily have drunk at least double that amount. The hot air dries your throat and leaves you breathless almost immediately. My only wish now is that the Ironman France run is at least partly in shade. Or that it's pishing it down with rain the whole cycle and run, which will be very reminiscent of training at home.
Current weight is 13 stones 4 pounds (186 pounds / 84.4 kg).
A nice hotel to relax by the pool; € many.
Finding out that running in 30 degree heat is going to be very, very painful; € %£$&*$€
I would normally drink a few sips of water very 25 to 30 minutes when running about in Scotland. I was drinking a good few gulps every 5 to 8 minutes in France. I ended up consuming 500ml every 30 minutes and that was with enforced rationing, as I simply couldn't carry enough with me, nor could I have guessed that I'd go through so much. I could easily have drunk at least double that amount. The hot air dries your throat and leaves you breathless almost immediately. My only wish now is that the Ironman France run is at least partly in shade. Or that it's pishing it down with rain the whole cycle and run, which will be very reminiscent of training at home.
Current weight is 13 stones 4 pounds (186 pounds / 84.4 kg).
Wednesday 20 May 2009
Cycle training
My cycle training has been severely lacking. Considering this is the longest part of Ironman, I'm thinking I should have concentrated harder on this discipline.
Or should I?
The Editor called tonight with a request for me to photograph the rather large hole in the ground that caused him to take another tumble from his bike. "Tonight would be best, since the council might fill it in first thing." The verdict of injury severity is not yet in.
This comes right on the heels of another cycling injury that caused a dramatic separation of the collar bone.
I'm wondering if my lack of miles is actually saving me from injury, or if The Editor should just avoid Auchterarder entirely.
Current weight is 13 stones 4 pounds (186 pounds / 84.4 kg).
Or should I?
The Editor called tonight with a request for me to photograph the rather large hole in the ground that caused him to take another tumble from his bike. "Tonight would be best, since the council might fill it in first thing." The verdict of injury severity is not yet in.
This comes right on the heels of another cycling injury that caused a dramatic separation of the collar bone.
I'm wondering if my lack of miles is actually saving me from injury, or if The Editor should just avoid Auchterarder entirely.
Current weight is 13 stones 4 pounds (186 pounds / 84.4 kg).
Half Marathon warm up
Cycling around The Path of Condie from Kinross is not a "normal" person's idea of a suitable warm up to a half marathon. But it fairly gets the legs going. About 1 hour and 10 minutes of uphill, with 10 minutes of all to brisk downhill thrown in. For those who do not cycle, that means it's hilly, and the hills are steep!
8 minutes after the cycling stopped, the starting buzzer buzzed loudly to begin the half marathon. I finished in 1 hour and 37 mins, which is a new personal best; my only previous half attempts being the Heaven and Hell event, completed just over a month ago in 1 hour and 41 mins and the Buchlivie half completed last November in 1 hour and 44 mins.
I wonder if I could have beaten E.H.'s time of 1 hour 31 had I started with fresh legs? Actually, I wonder if E.H. had been cycling herself before the running? I'll never know, since communication is all but non-existent unless she is gloating when running or cycling past me.
The official Ironman France liquid fuel arrived just in time to experiment with during the day's activities. If goal was to make a salty drink taste bland, then the manufacturers have skillfully succeeded. But I'm pleased to say that it seems to stave off hunger and supply the body with energy. Just as well, because it cost me nearly £50 for the privilege.
Current weight is 13 stones 4 pounds (186 pounds / 84.4 kg).
8 minutes after the cycling stopped, the starting buzzer buzzed loudly to begin the half marathon. I finished in 1 hour and 37 mins, which is a new personal best; my only previous half attempts being the Heaven and Hell event, completed just over a month ago in 1 hour and 41 mins and the Buchlivie half completed last November in 1 hour and 44 mins.
I wonder if I could have beaten E.H.'s time of 1 hour 31 had I started with fresh legs? Actually, I wonder if E.H. had been cycling herself before the running? I'll never know, since communication is all but non-existent unless she is gloating when running or cycling past me.
The official Ironman France liquid fuel arrived just in time to experiment with during the day's activities. If goal was to make a salty drink taste bland, then the manufacturers have skillfully succeeded. But I'm pleased to say that it seems to stave off hunger and supply the body with energy. Just as well, because it cost me nearly £50 for the privilege.
Current weight is 13 stones 4 pounds (186 pounds / 84.4 kg).
Sunday 10 May 2009
Medical attention required on Bute
It turned out to be pretty warm and sunny on Bute after the morning's cold rain showers had thankfully moved on to annoy someone else.
The pre-race discussion revolved, as usual, around The Editor's theory of Natural Weakness and how he is predisposed to losing the forthcoming race. Actually, it's quite surprising that we even have time to discuss anything going by the number of trips we alternately make to the bathroom during the free time between registration and start.
The swim was pretty good. I managed to practice drafting for the first 20 lengths.
The cycle went well, having a nice pink Lycra clad lady to chase. It turns out she was the fastest female, so I was delighted to have overtaken her.
The run was utterly hellish. My mind was only taken off the excruciating pain in my lower back because my ankles were causing a greater amount of pain almost immediately. But there was no time to stop and check what was happening in case The Editor went past, laughing manically.
After crossing the finish line in a very respectable time of 1 hr 13 mins and 36 seconds, I wish I had taken the 8 seconds per foot time penalty of putting on socks in T1. I kicked off my bloodied shoes to reveal broken, bleeding blisters on the outside of my both ankles. By no means did they resemble any kind of severe war wound, but the obligatory event first aiders made a beeline straight for me as they were obviously extremely bored not dealing with the other 100 fittest people on Bute that day. After spending around 5 minutes discussing the state of my blisters, I agreed to take 2 sticking plasters to apply to the wounds after my shower; I was getting a little bored of the technicalities of blister treatments by this point.
The shower itself was extremely interesting, conducted as it was in full view of the spectator's gallery, with a massed crowed enjoying the post race buffet. It's certainly unusual to be holding a rational converstaion with a similarly Lycra clad female stranger under the immediately adjacent showerhead whilst cleaning your bits inside your shorts. Although the experience was not unpleasant.
The best bit? It was without doubt the post race treats consisting of ample Scotch pie and the World's Best angel cakes made with the most yummy jam.
Current weight is 13 stones 6 pounds (188 pounds / 85.3 kg), but I've been eating out for the past 4 days and nights.
The pre-race discussion revolved, as usual, around The Editor's theory of Natural Weakness and how he is predisposed to losing the forthcoming race. Actually, it's quite surprising that we even have time to discuss anything going by the number of trips we alternately make to the bathroom during the free time between registration and start.
The swim was pretty good. I managed to practice drafting for the first 20 lengths.
The cycle went well, having a nice pink Lycra clad lady to chase. It turns out she was the fastest female, so I was delighted to have overtaken her.
The run was utterly hellish. My mind was only taken off the excruciating pain in my lower back because my ankles were causing a greater amount of pain almost immediately. But there was no time to stop and check what was happening in case The Editor went past, laughing manically.
After crossing the finish line in a very respectable time of 1 hr 13 mins and 36 seconds, I wish I had taken the 8 seconds per foot time penalty of putting on socks in T1. I kicked off my bloodied shoes to reveal broken, bleeding blisters on the outside of my both ankles. By no means did they resemble any kind of severe war wound, but the obligatory event first aiders made a beeline straight for me as they were obviously extremely bored not dealing with the other 100 fittest people on Bute that day. After spending around 5 minutes discussing the state of my blisters, I agreed to take 2 sticking plasters to apply to the wounds after my shower; I was getting a little bored of the technicalities of blister treatments by this point.
The shower itself was extremely interesting, conducted as it was in full view of the spectator's gallery, with a massed crowed enjoying the post race buffet. It's certainly unusual to be holding a rational converstaion with a similarly Lycra clad female stranger under the immediately adjacent showerhead whilst cleaning your bits inside your shorts. Although the experience was not unpleasant.
The best bit? It was without doubt the post race treats consisting of ample Scotch pie and the World's Best angel cakes made with the most yummy jam.
Current weight is 13 stones 6 pounds (188 pounds / 85.3 kg), but I've been eating out for the past 4 days and nights.
Monday 13 April 2009
Too close for comfort
It's become apparent that I should have spent less time scoffing "The Fink" and more time listening. The Editor's personal training manual is obviously more successful than my photocopied page from 220 magazine, entitled "24-week Ironman training plan". I'm wondering if I should throw mine in the bin, or simply treble the suggested workload.
So much free time and energy does he have during the cycle that he can divert his energies to devising new games to take his mind off the monotony of the task in hand. I am reduced to singing overplayed radio ballads at the top of my lungs for, would you believe, sanity purposes; the objective being to remain mentally intact, as opposed to being proficient in the toilet department. Our cycle time separation has been reduced to 2 seconds over 20km. That is no separation in my book; it's merely the avoidance of a pot hole, or the solitary sip of fluids en-route. And I can clearly see twinkle in The Editor's eye as he senses a victory is on the cards. I have already spent my armory of training enhancements, but he has only just begun, what with full blown video analysis of his swim stroke.
Since I'm not competitive, why would I be upset about the result? In fact, I achieved a fantastic personal best in each discipline, so why the long face? It's clear there's been a complete role reversal of enjoyment. I'm the one who now truly hates each segment of Triathlon, but The Editor is amusing himself with picking off carbonites. While I've been busy saturating myself with training, generating living proof of the "Law of Diminishing Returns", the Fink hasn't even made The Editor peak yet; the battle hasn't even commenced. If the deficit reduces any further, I may have to stop putting on my socks in T1.
Weatherwise, the day turned out to be beautifully sunny and perfect for racing. That was in stark contrast to the Arctic blast I received from E.H. whilst popping over to saying hello for the first time since our last communication in January. Obviously she holds a severe grudge against me for the time I was 20 minutes late for our training cycle. Perhaps those missing 20 minutes of cycling were responsible for me trouncing her time by over 2 minutes?
Current weight is 13 stones 4 pounds (186 pounds / 84.4 kg).
So much free time and energy does he have during the cycle that he can divert his energies to devising new games to take his mind off the monotony of the task in hand. I am reduced to singing overplayed radio ballads at the top of my lungs for, would you believe, sanity purposes; the objective being to remain mentally intact, as opposed to being proficient in the toilet department. Our cycle time separation has been reduced to 2 seconds over 20km. That is no separation in my book; it's merely the avoidance of a pot hole, or the solitary sip of fluids en-route. And I can clearly see twinkle in The Editor's eye as he senses a victory is on the cards. I have already spent my armory of training enhancements, but he has only just begun, what with full blown video analysis of his swim stroke.
Since I'm not competitive, why would I be upset about the result? In fact, I achieved a fantastic personal best in each discipline, so why the long face? It's clear there's been a complete role reversal of enjoyment. I'm the one who now truly hates each segment of Triathlon, but The Editor is amusing himself with picking off carbonites. While I've been busy saturating myself with training, generating living proof of the "Law of Diminishing Returns", the Fink hasn't even made The Editor peak yet; the battle hasn't even commenced. If the deficit reduces any further, I may have to stop putting on my socks in T1.
Weatherwise, the day turned out to be beautifully sunny and perfect for racing. That was in stark contrast to the Arctic blast I received from E.H. whilst popping over to saying hello for the first time since our last communication in January. Obviously she holds a severe grudge against me for the time I was 20 minutes late for our training cycle. Perhaps those missing 20 minutes of cycling were responsible for me trouncing her time by over 2 minutes?
Current weight is 13 stones 4 pounds (186 pounds / 84.4 kg).
Thursday 9 April 2009
Stariway to Heaven and Hell
They were half taking the piss when they named the race "Heaven and Hell". And now I know which half. I almost had to get out the step ladders to see the top of the route profile clearly when the post arrived with my entry and related paraphernalia. 13.1 miles of the steepest hills in Perthshire is not a pleasant experience when running a timed event.
It's not relevant to quote the actual finish time due to the extremity of the course, but I came 52nd out of 223 entrants after doing everything I shouldn't have been doing the night before (and again in the morning!). I have convinced myself that racing when tired and hungover will toughen me up for Ironman, so I actively ensure that my social life doesn't interfere with the events.
But considering I've only been running for about one year, I'm pretty chuffed to be zooming past people wearing matching running club tops. I wonder how much of the race pace was due to the fact that I wanted to be near the front of the queue for the only bit that can be described as "Heaven", the home baking stand?
Current weight is 13 stones 4 pounds (186 pounds / 84.4 kg).
It's not relevant to quote the actual finish time due to the extremity of the course, but I came 52nd out of 223 entrants after doing everything I shouldn't have been doing the night before (and again in the morning!). I have convinced myself that racing when tired and hungover will toughen me up for Ironman, so I actively ensure that my social life doesn't interfere with the events.
But considering I've only been running for about one year, I'm pretty chuffed to be zooming past people wearing matching running club tops. I wonder how much of the race pace was due to the fact that I wanted to be near the front of the queue for the only bit that can be described as "Heaven", the home baking stand?
Current weight is 13 stones 4 pounds (186 pounds / 84.4 kg).
Tuesday 31 March 2009
Tranent Sprint Triathlon - a victory for Loctite 9461
It worked! The glue worked! Loctite 9461, stand up and take a bow! Actually, thinking about it, just stay exactly where you are until at least après Ironman France.
Just as well it held together really, because it was so cold and windy that my eyes were constantly streaming and I could hardly see the road, let alone examine my bottom bracket for hairline cracks on the move. Nevertheless, since the event incorporated the Scottish University Sprint Triathlon Championships, there was plenty of other lycra encased bottom brackets to examine.
Build up: The air of pre-race tension was palpable, or perhaps that was just down to the frequent visits to the bathroom after the poor timing of the bacon roll snack. Apparently The Editor has vanquished these nervous, ahem, 'jitters' and no longer needs to hunt around all floors of the building for an empty cubicle before a race. I wonder if his training programme includes a specific section on this subject?
The Swim: The over-riding thought going through my mind up to lap 20 (out of 30) was "When is this going to end?". The other 4 blokes in my lane had all overtaken me, but gradually and gracefully I accepted that I wasn't the fastest swimmer and used the remainder as my first proper attempt at "drafting". We exited the pool in quick succession, like the left hand side of Noah's gangplank; one by one.
The Bike: I was exceedingly pleased to overtake the aforementioned 4 blokes inside of the first kilometer. This was the only highlight of the event and I was loving my decision to avoid going totally anaerobic during the swim as I glided past the Z4 heart rate boys. The over-riding thought going through my mind for the entire remainder of the bike was "When the hell is this going to end?". The awfulness was blissfully interrupted when deciding if I should have a go at some 8 year old neds who were pretending to throw punches at all the cyclists on the way past.
The Run: I quickly passed one bloke on the first incline and didn't see a single other competitor for the remainder of the run. The over-riding thought going through my mind for the entire remainder of the run was "When the fcuk is this going to end?". My back was increasingly crippling me, my motivation had deserted me and there wasn't any of the usual lycra clad pace setters to distract the mind.
The Post Race: I met Alan the prospective Ironman at the snack stand. He was very nice, but the snacks were not. The over-riding thought going through my mind whilst eating the free ham sandwich was "When in God's name is this going to end?".
The Analysis: It turns out that being more than 20 stones for the majority of my adult life has actually been advantageous. It's very clear that my massively overdeveloped, load bearing legs are functioning well. From the event photographs, they actually look like they belong to one of those old ladies that you see in shopping centres - the ones who's ankles spill out over the tops of their shoes.
The Result: I don't think there is a clear victor between The Editor and I. It's a cliche, but we were both winners. Irrespective of the fact that my clock stopped more than 4 minutes ahead of his, we have both improved dramatically during our winter training; something that will be reinforced at the impending East Fife Sprint Triathlon.
Only whilst writing this entry has it dawned on me that my complete lack of enjoyment of the entire event can be narrowed down to one single issue - that I haven't even hit my stride during the distances of a Sprint Triathlon. I've become a stamina seeker.
Current weight is 13 stones 2 pounds (184 pounds / 83.5 kg).
Just as well it held together really, because it was so cold and windy that my eyes were constantly streaming and I could hardly see the road, let alone examine my bottom bracket for hairline cracks on the move. Nevertheless, since the event incorporated the Scottish University Sprint Triathlon Championships, there was plenty of other lycra encased bottom brackets to examine.
Build up: The air of pre-race tension was palpable, or perhaps that was just down to the frequent visits to the bathroom after the poor timing of the bacon roll snack. Apparently The Editor has vanquished these nervous, ahem, 'jitters' and no longer needs to hunt around all floors of the building for an empty cubicle before a race. I wonder if his training programme includes a specific section on this subject?
The Swim: The over-riding thought going through my mind up to lap 20 (out of 30) was "When is this going to end?". The other 4 blokes in my lane had all overtaken me, but gradually and gracefully I accepted that I wasn't the fastest swimmer and used the remainder as my first proper attempt at "drafting". We exited the pool in quick succession, like the left hand side of Noah's gangplank; one by one.
The Bike: I was exceedingly pleased to overtake the aforementioned 4 blokes inside of the first kilometer. This was the only highlight of the event and I was loving my decision to avoid going totally anaerobic during the swim as I glided past the Z4 heart rate boys. The over-riding thought going through my mind for the entire remainder of the bike was "When the hell is this going to end?". The awfulness was blissfully interrupted when deciding if I should have a go at some 8 year old neds who were pretending to throw punches at all the cyclists on the way past.
The Run: I quickly passed one bloke on the first incline and didn't see a single other competitor for the remainder of the run. The over-riding thought going through my mind for the entire remainder of the run was "When the fcuk is this going to end?". My back was increasingly crippling me, my motivation had deserted me and there wasn't any of the usual lycra clad pace setters to distract the mind.
The Post Race: I met Alan the prospective Ironman at the snack stand. He was very nice, but the snacks were not. The over-riding thought going through my mind whilst eating the free ham sandwich was "When in God's name is this going to end?".
The Analysis: It turns out that being more than 20 stones for the majority of my adult life has actually been advantageous. It's very clear that my massively overdeveloped, load bearing legs are functioning well. From the event photographs, they actually look like they belong to one of those old ladies that you see in shopping centres - the ones who's ankles spill out over the tops of their shoes.
The Result: I don't think there is a clear victor between The Editor and I. It's a cliche, but we were both winners. Irrespective of the fact that my clock stopped more than 4 minutes ahead of his, we have both improved dramatically during our winter training; something that will be reinforced at the impending East Fife Sprint Triathlon.
Only whilst writing this entry has it dawned on me that my complete lack of enjoyment of the entire event can be narrowed down to one single issue - that I haven't even hit my stride during the distances of a Sprint Triathlon. I've become a stamina seeker.
Current weight is 13 stones 2 pounds (184 pounds / 83.5 kg).
Tuesday 24 March 2009
Walking the tightrope
It's going to go right down to the wire.
The Loctite 9461 bicycle repair glue is due to be collected at 4pm this afternoon and applied by 8pm tonight. The datasheet informs me that a full cure is not achieved for 3 days at 22 degrees Celsius, i.e. Friday evening at 8pm.
Saying "bicycle repair glue" implies my current mechanical failure is little more than a puncture, which couldn't be further from the truth. What I'm really investing my Ironman dream in is tiny smear of some liquid substance applied over a 2.0cm cylindrical joint being tensily strong enough to support my body weight over all the various road vibrations, pedalling pressures and pothole impacts that will be encountered over the col de l'Ecre. And it's something that no professional bicycle repair outfit will even consider attempting. I also have to hope that all the banging with the rubber mallet to ease the tube off the lug hasn't hastened the fatigue of the other bonds. The whole thing sounds like utter madness to me. But madness is but a small step away from genius. I just hope that the Loctite boys weren't hungover when they made this batch.
I am faced with a dramatic choice for Saturday's Triathlon - put my faith entirely in 9461 or transfer all the components to The Editor's pre Team Banana frame. Leaving this decision until Friday night could mean a sleepless night of bicycle building.
Mental note to self - investigate the tensile strength of duct tape, which might be called upon to hold my bike together during the race.
Current weight is 13 stones 2 pounds (184 pounds / 83.5 kg).
The Loctite 9461 bicycle repair glue is due to be collected at 4pm this afternoon and applied by 8pm tonight. The datasheet informs me that a full cure is not achieved for 3 days at 22 degrees Celsius, i.e. Friday evening at 8pm.
Saying "bicycle repair glue" implies my current mechanical failure is little more than a puncture, which couldn't be further from the truth. What I'm really investing my Ironman dream in is tiny smear of some liquid substance applied over a 2.0cm cylindrical joint being tensily strong enough to support my body weight over all the various road vibrations, pedalling pressures and pothole impacts that will be encountered over the col de l'Ecre. And it's something that no professional bicycle repair outfit will even consider attempting. I also have to hope that all the banging with the rubber mallet to ease the tube off the lug hasn't hastened the fatigue of the other bonds. The whole thing sounds like utter madness to me. But madness is but a small step away from genius. I just hope that the Loctite boys weren't hungover when they made this batch.
I am faced with a dramatic choice for Saturday's Triathlon - put my faith entirely in 9461 or transfer all the components to The Editor's pre Team Banana frame. Leaving this decision until Friday night could mean a sleepless night of bicycle building.
Mental note to self - investigate the tensile strength of duct tape, which might be called upon to hold my bike together during the race.
Current weight is 13 stones 2 pounds (184 pounds / 83.5 kg).
Monday 23 March 2009
A need to bond with my bicycle
My purchase of a carbon framed Specialized Allez Epic, circa 1990, last December looked like a bargain at the time. Unfortunately, the old adage of "There's no such thing as a free lunch" seems to be coming true. Well, coming apart would actually be more accurate. The glue that bonded the rear chainstays to the bottom bracket suddenly decided that 18 years of stalwart performance was more than enough and it's now gone on holiday. There's no sign of it anywhere; it's completely disintegrated. A quick phone call to my favourite bicycle shop ended with the suggestion that the bin is the most suitable receptacle for my bike. A bit annoying when they just took over £100 from me for its last service. The requisite "second opinion" came back terminal also.
Not one to give up easily, my favourite glue guys at V-Tech SMT Ltd (don't ask how I know such things) gave me the number for the Technical Support Group at Loctite. Half way through describing my situation, the very, very knowledgeable man stated Loctitie 9461 was the required 2 part epoxy, which incidentally they supply on an OEM basis to various cycle manufacturers for the bonding of carbon fibre and aluminium in the manufacture of forks. Bicycle forks, that is; nothing to do with the Ferrari canteen. What a result! I am now in the preparatory stages of extremely advanced DIY!!
This does not bode well for Saturday's Sprint Triathlon, the first Sprint Triathlon of the year. If the Loctite 9461 does not perform, The Editor is guaranteed a win providing he can avoid the dreaded DNS or DNF acronyms. I have to additionally contend with DOA , DIY, A&E and WTF. There is an outside chance of a meeting with the DEA if I get any performance boost from smelling the 9461. It really doesn't matter how much training I've done, or how developed my quads are, if I'm reduced to chasing his Team Banana [edit] 531 with my mountain bike.
Current weight is 13 stones 4 pounds (186 pounds / 84.4 kg).
Not one to give up easily, my favourite glue guys at V-Tech SMT Ltd (don't ask how I know such things) gave me the number for the Technical Support Group at Loctite. Half way through describing my situation, the very, very knowledgeable man stated Loctitie 9461 was the required 2 part epoxy, which incidentally they supply on an OEM basis to various cycle manufacturers for the bonding of carbon fibre and aluminium in the manufacture of forks. Bicycle forks, that is; nothing to do with the Ferrari canteen. What a result! I am now in the preparatory stages of extremely advanced DIY!!
This does not bode well for Saturday's Sprint Triathlon, the first Sprint Triathlon of the year. If the Loctite 9461 does not perform, The Editor is guaranteed a win providing he can avoid the dreaded DNS or DNF acronyms. I have to additionally contend with DOA , DIY, A&E and WTF. There is an outside chance of a meeting with the DEA if I get any performance boost from smelling the 9461. It really doesn't matter how much training I've done, or how developed my quads are, if I'm reduced to chasing his Team Banana [edit] 531 with my mountain bike.
Current weight is 13 stones 4 pounds (186 pounds / 84.4 kg).
Tuesday 17 March 2009
Chocolate fuelled race times
I simply don't have enough time to cook sufficient quantities of food to satisfy my appetite. So tonight I found myself stocking up on chocolate bars (14 of various sizes and flavours to be precise) and have deposited them so they are within reach of wherever I happen to sit down.
You would think that my weight would be blooming, given this recent behavioural mirror of my previous lifestyle. In fact, it's stayed pretty much the same for as long as I can remember now and if I didn't scoff an extra thousand calories here and there, I'd be thinner than a rake.
Buoyed by the suggestions of an approaching Spring, tonight witnessed 2009's inaugural run around my benchmark 5km off road course. Not having completed a timed lap since the 21st July 2008 (25 minutes 40 seconds), I thought that 24 minutes 14 seconds was pretty good, considering I set off at 10k pace. To convince myself that I had actually knocked almost a minute and a half off my previous best without even trying, I did another 5km straight away. 25 minutes 54 secs.
Conclusive evidence that training does actually work.
The question is, will there have been enough training by June?
Current weight is 13 stones 2 pounds (184 pounds / 83.5 kg).
You would think that my weight would be blooming, given this recent behavioural mirror of my previous lifestyle. In fact, it's stayed pretty much the same for as long as I can remember now and if I didn't scoff an extra thousand calories here and there, I'd be thinner than a rake.
Buoyed by the suggestions of an approaching Spring, tonight witnessed 2009's inaugural run around my benchmark 5km off road course. Not having completed a timed lap since the 21st July 2008 (25 minutes 40 seconds), I thought that 24 minutes 14 seconds was pretty good, considering I set off at 10k pace. To convince myself that I had actually knocked almost a minute and a half off my previous best without even trying, I did another 5km straight away. 25 minutes 54 secs.
Conclusive evidence that training does actually work.
The question is, will there have been enough training by June?
Current weight is 13 stones 2 pounds (184 pounds / 83.5 kg).
Tuesday 10 March 2009
A Wee trip up North
Last Sunday's Wee Triathlon in Fort William can only be likened to participating in an ill equipped and unsupported trek to the North Pole, starting from a few miles off the nearest coastline without a boat. We were physically abused by the snowy conditions and thoroughly soaked within moments of starting the cycle due to the poor timing of the oncoming bus that churned through the world's largest slushy puddle, which we had the severe misfortune to be passing at the time. The icy tidal wave was timed to perfection for the amusement of all the passengers ensconced within. And it was in stark contrast to the intensely tropical temperatures of the Lochaber Leisure Centre swiming pool; temperatures which could only be surpassed by visiting the centre of our Sun, or the bedrooms within the Alexandra 'Hotel'. The less said about the remaining 9 miles of cycling, the better.
Lady B, who was supposed to be enjoying her first introduction to Triathlon, froze solid and I'm reliably informed that some extremities actually turned blue. It was a quick freeze feat that Captain Birdseye himself would have been proud of. Her teeth chattering was only interrupted by occasional bouts of Tourette's that would have offended even the old-school Clydeside shipyard workers. Yes, today I discovered that Triathlon is NOT for everyone.
Questions regarding the current 'Otter Series' tally should be directed towards The Editor. I can't keep abreast of what actually constitutes the counting rules, what with all the DNEs and DNSs that seem to ping-pong between us. Suffice to say that this year's Calendar is littered with unnecessary mini-Triathlons that will probably only hamper the main event and I predict that one of us will hit double figures one way or another ....
Current weight is 13 stones 4 pounds (186 pounds / 84.4 kg).
Lady B, who was supposed to be enjoying her first introduction to Triathlon, froze solid and I'm reliably informed that some extremities actually turned blue. It was a quick freeze feat that Captain Birdseye himself would have been proud of. Her teeth chattering was only interrupted by occasional bouts of Tourette's that would have offended even the old-school Clydeside shipyard workers. Yes, today I discovered that Triathlon is NOT for everyone.
Questions regarding the current 'Otter Series' tally should be directed towards The Editor. I can't keep abreast of what actually constitutes the counting rules, what with all the DNEs and DNSs that seem to ping-pong between us. Suffice to say that this year's Calendar is littered with unnecessary mini-Triathlons that will probably only hamper the main event and I predict that one of us will hit double figures one way or another ....
Current weight is 13 stones 4 pounds (186 pounds / 84.4 kg).
Sunday 1 March 2009
Can I have a new lower back?
I went on a cycle today. 105.5 km later, I've decided that I like my bicycle, but that my bicycle doesn't like my lower back. I certainly wouldn't want to run a marathon right now, that's for sure, and I only completed just over half the Ironman cycle distance. On a positive note, the pace puts me on a sub 8 hour cycle and doesn't rule out the possibility of crossing the finish line in 12.5 hours.
My double dinner last night, followed by snacking on an entire packet of chocolate fingers and a 100g bar of chocolate certainly gave me enough energy for the trip, and my triple dinner tonight has helped restock the muscles.
I'm really quite astonished that my body can process the quantities of food that are being shoveled in.
Current weight is 13 stones 2 pounds (184 pounds / 83.5 kg).
My double dinner last night, followed by snacking on an entire packet of chocolate fingers and a 100g bar of chocolate certainly gave me enough energy for the trip, and my triple dinner tonight has helped restock the muscles.
I'm really quite astonished that my body can process the quantities of food that are being shoveled in.
Current weight is 13 stones 2 pounds (184 pounds / 83.5 kg).
Wednesday 11 February 2009
New boundaries required
A scientific approach has now been applied to my training schedule. I actually picked up and read an article about what I should be doing at this stage in the lead up to an Ironman (19 weeks to go). It's from 220 magazine, so they shouldn't be talking pish. It turns out that I've been doing far, far, far too much. And I was enjoying myself as well.
I've had to introduce short runs into my schedule. And short swims. And, admittedly due to circustances beyond my control, short cycles. Hardly seems worth it, if you ask me. I feel weaker and I'm eating more; my joints are seizing up, my muscles tightening.
I find myself trying out new and interesting ways to incorporate various physical activities into my steadily increasing social life. The main aim being to achieve improved core strength and a more evenly balanced muscle tone.
Current weight is 13 stones 2 pounds (184 pounds / 83.5 kg).
I've had to introduce short runs into my schedule. And short swims. And, admittedly due to circustances beyond my control, short cycles. Hardly seems worth it, if you ask me. I feel weaker and I'm eating more; my joints are seizing up, my muscles tightening.
I find myself trying out new and interesting ways to incorporate various physical activities into my steadily increasing social life. The main aim being to achieve improved core strength and a more evenly balanced muscle tone.
Current weight is 13 stones 2 pounds (184 pounds / 83.5 kg).
Friday 30 January 2009
IT trouble
No, my heart rate monitor isn't broken. I refer to a recurrence of the Iliotibial Band Syndrome that nearly blighted my award winning participation in the Big Ben Nevis Triathlon last year.
I had stopped attending Spin classes early last year due to a niggling pain in my right knee. The pain then stopped immediately, only returning briefly after bounding down hills without any knowledge of the damage I was inflicting upon myself with my exaggerated gate, at least until I actually learned how to run properly. Tonight it has reared its ugly head for a second time after expending 326 calories on one of those reclining gym bikes. I can feel the itch under my right knee cap.
I've been worrying about the complete lack of bicycle training for the past two weeks due to the malfunction of a spoke on my rear wheel. The situation is not helped by the age of my bike; I'm almost old enough to be its father. I was advised by my preferred local bike shop to pay a visit to their competitor since they hadn't been in business long enough to have the necessary tools. Their competitor, on the other hand, has been around for 125 years, so presumably they'd be able to find something at the back of a drawer. Probably a hammer and a screwdriver, I suspect.
I don't care, so long as it comes back fixed. They did kindly suggest "fitting" a mountain bike rear cog onto my wheel to allow me to properly cycle up any incline greater than 1 in 100, which is about all I could manage with the tiny 19 toothed devil that was the original large sprocket. It might also stop bicycle shop staff laughing at me when I show them my wheel and mention the word hill. Hopefully the new cog, presumably "fitted" with the aforementioned universal adjusting tools of hammer and screwdriver, will negate my current urge to trade in my car for a full carbon Trek monster. All it requires is a new rear derailleur and chain. And then possibly just new wheels, saddle, crank, pedals, tri bars, brakes, gear shifters, front mech and an upgraded full carbon frame.
The moral of the story - Gym bikes are knee killers. Get outside on a proper bike, even if it is constantly dark, snowing and minus 5 Celcius.
Current weight is 13 stones 2 pounds (184 pounds / 83.5 kg).
I had stopped attending Spin classes early last year due to a niggling pain in my right knee. The pain then stopped immediately, only returning briefly after bounding down hills without any knowledge of the damage I was inflicting upon myself with my exaggerated gate, at least until I actually learned how to run properly. Tonight it has reared its ugly head for a second time after expending 326 calories on one of those reclining gym bikes. I can feel the itch under my right knee cap.
I've been worrying about the complete lack of bicycle training for the past two weeks due to the malfunction of a spoke on my rear wheel. The situation is not helped by the age of my bike; I'm almost old enough to be its father. I was advised by my preferred local bike shop to pay a visit to their competitor since they hadn't been in business long enough to have the necessary tools. Their competitor, on the other hand, has been around for 125 years, so presumably they'd be able to find something at the back of a drawer. Probably a hammer and a screwdriver, I suspect.
I don't care, so long as it comes back fixed. They did kindly suggest "fitting" a mountain bike rear cog onto my wheel to allow me to properly cycle up any incline greater than 1 in 100, which is about all I could manage with the tiny 19 toothed devil that was the original large sprocket. It might also stop bicycle shop staff laughing at me when I show them my wheel and mention the word hill. Hopefully the new cog, presumably "fitted" with the aforementioned universal adjusting tools of hammer and screwdriver, will negate my current urge to trade in my car for a full carbon Trek monster. All it requires is a new rear derailleur and chain. And then possibly just new wheels, saddle, crank, pedals, tri bars, brakes, gear shifters, front mech and an upgraded full carbon frame.
The moral of the story - Gym bikes are knee killers. Get outside on a proper bike, even if it is constantly dark, snowing and minus 5 Celcius.
Current weight is 13 stones 2 pounds (184 pounds / 83.5 kg).
Tuesday 27 January 2009
Soaring pulse rates
My pulse soared sky-high last weekend before falling quickly back to normal with a hefty thump.
That's supposed to mean that I have a healthy and fit heart - Fitness Level 1, according to my new Tesco heart rate monitor. Fitness Level 6 indicates a very sedentary lifestyle, while Fitness Level 0 means you can swim to the moon and back. Hopefully the overseas manufacturer paid a recognised company to translate the instruction manual and the levels weren't reversed during the process. If that were the case, the penultimately poor level could still prove accurate if referencing one's current mental state, since my brain hurts from trying to understand it all.
Performing a maximum heart rate test on a treadmill next to an extremely beautiful woman makes you look no wiser than a rutting Stag. I felt like I needed give her some kind of pre-emtive explaination of what was about to happen, but her iPod was up at full volume, presumably to drown out the predictable interference from rutting Stags. So it became necessary to make a tit of myself for a second time is as many days and just get on with it.
I was supposed to warm up and then gradually increase my heart rate by 10 bpm each minute until I neared my estimated maximum and then just gun it for the last minute. Easier said than done. The early stages were quite predictable and I went through 140, 150 and 160 with ease. But there seemed to be a barrier at 165 and the gently increasing intensity wasn't continuing the linear increase in bpm. In fact, my heart rate began to fall as I settled into the pace. 163, 161, 160! To go above 165 took about 3 minutes of charging full pelt at 14 km/h on a 6.0 gradient. I would have increased the intensity still further had I been able to shift my focus from running to pressing any of the + buttons. In fact, I couldn't even look at my heart rate monitor and so relied upon the maximum recorded value. Had there been any foot placement errors, I would have shot off the back of that treadmill and caused some major disruption to everyone and everything in the gym. I think I'll ask for some help next time.
Max HR = 187. It turns out that I needn't have bothered with the above test. Going by the standard 220 - age formula gives an estimated HR max of 186. Apparently I have the heart of a 33 year old man. I've just turned 34, so that gives minor cause for celebration.
Resting HR = 40.
Going by various formulae readily available through Google, I now have targetted Training Zones to exercise within.
This begs the question of when NOT to wear the monitor? I mean, are there any activities where it wouldn't be deemed appropriate to aim for a quick burst into z3?
Current weight is 13 stones 2 pounds (184 pounds / 83.5 kg).
That's supposed to mean that I have a healthy and fit heart - Fitness Level 1, according to my new Tesco heart rate monitor. Fitness Level 6 indicates a very sedentary lifestyle, while Fitness Level 0 means you can swim to the moon and back. Hopefully the overseas manufacturer paid a recognised company to translate the instruction manual and the levels weren't reversed during the process. If that were the case, the penultimately poor level could still prove accurate if referencing one's current mental state, since my brain hurts from trying to understand it all.
Performing a maximum heart rate test on a treadmill next to an extremely beautiful woman makes you look no wiser than a rutting Stag. I felt like I needed give her some kind of pre-emtive explaination of what was about to happen, but her iPod was up at full volume, presumably to drown out the predictable interference from rutting Stags. So it became necessary to make a tit of myself for a second time is as many days and just get on with it.
I was supposed to warm up and then gradually increase my heart rate by 10 bpm each minute until I neared my estimated maximum and then just gun it for the last minute. Easier said than done. The early stages were quite predictable and I went through 140, 150 and 160 with ease. But there seemed to be a barrier at 165 and the gently increasing intensity wasn't continuing the linear increase in bpm. In fact, my heart rate began to fall as I settled into the pace. 163, 161, 160! To go above 165 took about 3 minutes of charging full pelt at 14 km/h on a 6.0 gradient. I would have increased the intensity still further had I been able to shift my focus from running to pressing any of the + buttons. In fact, I couldn't even look at my heart rate monitor and so relied upon the maximum recorded value. Had there been any foot placement errors, I would have shot off the back of that treadmill and caused some major disruption to everyone and everything in the gym. I think I'll ask for some help next time.
Max HR = 187. It turns out that I needn't have bothered with the above test. Going by the standard 220 - age formula gives an estimated HR max of 186. Apparently I have the heart of a 33 year old man. I've just turned 34, so that gives minor cause for celebration.
Resting HR = 40.
Going by various formulae readily available through Google, I now have targetted Training Zones to exercise within.
This begs the question of when NOT to wear the monitor? I mean, are there any activities where it wouldn't be deemed appropriate to aim for a quick burst into z3?
Current weight is 13 stones 2 pounds (184 pounds / 83.5 kg).
Tuesday 20 January 2009
More is not enough
I'm freaking out.
Psychological warfare has broken out between The Editor and I, but I wasn't given any advance warning, had no time to prepare and have been left with no ammo to counter. I'm a sitting duck, and I'm being pummelled.
The Editor, like a born again Evangelist, has found what he has been searching for, and is trying to lure me away from my extreme training regime.
It's completely down to The Rat, who makes radical claims about how doing a few egg and spoon races the week before an Ironman will be more than sufficient training to get you through the physically toughest day of your life. This has resulted in a seismic shift in The Editor's training plan.
Out is the weekly planning of a cycle trip to Braemar in the snow, wearing nothing but sumo gear and getting whipped by fresh birch saplings for the entire trip. Gotta get tough for Ironman.
In is a lovely indoor turbo trainer cycle, never rising above a modest heart rate, wearing a nice woolly jumper to give that authentic Mediterranean effect.
I'm left with our previously communal understanding that an incredibly intensive schedule that leaves little or no time for sleep is the only way forward.
At least I'll be allowed a lie in now.
Current weight is 13 stones 2 pounds (184 pounds / 83.5 kg).
Psychological warfare has broken out between The Editor and I, but I wasn't given any advance warning, had no time to prepare and have been left with no ammo to counter. I'm a sitting duck, and I'm being pummelled.
The Editor, like a born again Evangelist, has found what he has been searching for, and is trying to lure me away from my extreme training regime.
It's completely down to The Rat, who makes radical claims about how doing a few egg and spoon races the week before an Ironman will be more than sufficient training to get you through the physically toughest day of your life. This has resulted in a seismic shift in The Editor's training plan.
Out is the weekly planning of a cycle trip to Braemar in the snow, wearing nothing but sumo gear and getting whipped by fresh birch saplings for the entire trip. Gotta get tough for Ironman.
In is a lovely indoor turbo trainer cycle, never rising above a modest heart rate, wearing a nice woolly jumper to give that authentic Mediterranean effect.
I'm left with our previously communal understanding that an incredibly intensive schedule that leaves little or no time for sleep is the only way forward.
At least I'll be allowed a lie in now.
Current weight is 13 stones 2 pounds (184 pounds / 83.5 kg).
Monday 19 January 2009
Ironman - tell it like it is
The books give you any number of different training plans and they harp on and on about how satisfying it is to complete an Ironman, blah, blah, blah.
What they don't accurately describe is the fearsome level of pain you will encounter during the training and subsequently during the event.
Cue advice from E.H., 3 times Ironman finisher and chasing a sub 11 hr 30 mins finish in the upcoming Ironman Austria.
1) The run is easy if you are a runner. I'd think nothing of getting up in the morning and deciding to do a marathon that day.
2) Och, it'll heal itself. You can't let it affect your training.
This applies to just about any injury.
3) You need to practice getting kicked and punched in the face.
My friend, Miss B, upon hearing this little gem of open water swimming wisdom, selflessly offered to kick and punch me in the face as much as I wanted. (It's nice to know you have the devoted support of true friends when putting yourself through all that is Ironman.)
4) Find a big, long, steep hill and go up it again and again and again. It's not the gradient you need to worry about, you just need to prepare yourself for the unforgiving relentlessness of the cycle.
Note there weren't any remarks about having fun along the way.
Current weight is 13 stones 4 pounds (186 pounds / 84.4 kg).
What they don't accurately describe is the fearsome level of pain you will encounter during the training and subsequently during the event.
Cue advice from E.H., 3 times Ironman finisher and chasing a sub 11 hr 30 mins finish in the upcoming Ironman Austria.
1) The run is easy if you are a runner. I'd think nothing of getting up in the morning and deciding to do a marathon that day.
2) Och, it'll heal itself. You can't let it affect your training.
This applies to just about any injury.
3) You need to practice getting kicked and punched in the face.
My friend, Miss B, upon hearing this little gem of open water swimming wisdom, selflessly offered to kick and punch me in the face as much as I wanted. (It's nice to know you have the devoted support of true friends when putting yourself through all that is Ironman.)
4) Find a big, long, steep hill and go up it again and again and again. It's not the gradient you need to worry about, you just need to prepare yourself for the unforgiving relentlessness of the cycle.
Note there weren't any remarks about having fun along the way.
Current weight is 13 stones 4 pounds (186 pounds / 84.4 kg).
Sunday 18 January 2009
My first brick
I was off to a bad start, being 20 minutes late for my first cycle training run with E.H. She was obviously not amused having to pedal around the block a few times to keep warm. I could see in her eyes that she didn't enjoy my idle chit chat while I was getting my bike ready and wind proofing my body for the impending cycle; simply wasting time when this part of the day was clearly marked down on the calendar for a short cycle. Conversation only began to flow once we were moving at 20mph. I'm beginning to think she's only happy when her heart rate is above 130 bpm.
Two things instantly impressed me. Her frighteningly powerful and efficient thighs and the fact that her cycle computer had a temperature gauge on it. I mean, who on earth has a temperature gauge on their bike? I could tell you it was cold and icy, as my chin was frozen and I had already spent more than a few sketchy moments going sideways. I can only surmise that she didn't need to know if she was going to fall off her bike, she only wanted to know if it was going to be cold enough to freeze the blood on her grazed leg, or if she'd have to waste precious minutes applying Dettol to the gaping wound.
E.H. is not like any normal woman.
She would complete a Marathon with two broken legs and only think about going to the doctor if gangrene set in. Seriously, if I was in a pub fight, and I could only pick one person to help me out, I'd pick E.H. Unfortunately, she wouldn't actually be there because the late night drinking would adversely affect the next day's training. Although she would arrive within 2 minutes of the phone call, on a tricked out time trial bike, fists flying. I've only ever seen one other woman like her, who, for reasons that don't need elaborating upon, completely floored a sheep with a single right hook to the jaw.
E.H.'s tyres melted through the vast polar cap like expanses of black ice. I followed in her wake. Other cyclists were screaming out warnings of "Like a sheet of glass" and "It's frighteningly bad up that road". E.H. just smiled. I suspect their training schedules didn't have the IM stamp on the bottom. I physically couldn't say anything, since all my energy was being channelled to my legs simply trying to keep up. I just repeated the "gotta get tough for Ironman" mantra in my head.
"So what spares do you carry?" enquired E.H. as her odometer ticked over the 38 mile mark.
"I've got a couple of allen keys." I replied, knowing I sounded like a complete novice tit.
"What would you do if you get a puncture?"
Wanting to reclaim some kudos, I nonchalantly replied "I'd run back home. That's why I wear standard SPDs and not SLs."
After we parted company at the pool, so she could take part in 2 hours of swim coaching, I decided to knuckle down and cycle back to a warm bath as quickly as possible. A few miles into the return trip, I began to wonder if I had gained any admiration from E.H. for my last remark.
Ping, pink, plunk, bugger. That's the sound of a spoke breaking, although I added the bugger bit.
My rear wheel now only spun through 310 degrees instead of 360, due to the warping effect of non-uniform tension. I looked up to see a road sign, Perth, 6 miles. Now, to say I was a little bit emotional would have been understating the case. But Ironman is as much a mental battle as it is physical. So no messing about. The bike was hidden in a ditch and the brick session commenced. 6 miles of running in SPD cycle shoes is not the most comfortable thing to do on a Sunday afternoon, but at least I now understand why some people go out running along main roads. It's purely for added mental torture to enhance the physical pain. I wouldn't have minded so much had I not spent five and three quarter hours the previous day running 20 miles across 4 Munros. Gotta get tough for Ironman.
Since she hasn't acknowledged my jokey text thanking her for the outing and describing my amusing misadventure, I presume she has tagged me as not worthy to incorporate into her Ironman training schedule.
Current weight was 13 stones (182 pounds / 82.5 kg) until I ate my own weight in Pringles "to aid recovery".
Two things instantly impressed me. Her frighteningly powerful and efficient thighs and the fact that her cycle computer had a temperature gauge on it. I mean, who on earth has a temperature gauge on their bike? I could tell you it was cold and icy, as my chin was frozen and I had already spent more than a few sketchy moments going sideways. I can only surmise that she didn't need to know if she was going to fall off her bike, she only wanted to know if it was going to be cold enough to freeze the blood on her grazed leg, or if she'd have to waste precious minutes applying Dettol to the gaping wound.
E.H. is not like any normal woman.
She would complete a Marathon with two broken legs and only think about going to the doctor if gangrene set in. Seriously, if I was in a pub fight, and I could only pick one person to help me out, I'd pick E.H. Unfortunately, she wouldn't actually be there because the late night drinking would adversely affect the next day's training. Although she would arrive within 2 minutes of the phone call, on a tricked out time trial bike, fists flying. I've only ever seen one other woman like her, who, for reasons that don't need elaborating upon, completely floored a sheep with a single right hook to the jaw.
E.H.'s tyres melted through the vast polar cap like expanses of black ice. I followed in her wake. Other cyclists were screaming out warnings of "Like a sheet of glass" and "It's frighteningly bad up that road". E.H. just smiled. I suspect their training schedules didn't have the IM stamp on the bottom. I physically couldn't say anything, since all my energy was being channelled to my legs simply trying to keep up. I just repeated the "gotta get tough for Ironman" mantra in my head.
"So what spares do you carry?" enquired E.H. as her odometer ticked over the 38 mile mark.
"I've got a couple of allen keys." I replied, knowing I sounded like a complete novice tit.
"What would you do if you get a puncture?"
Wanting to reclaim some kudos, I nonchalantly replied "I'd run back home. That's why I wear standard SPDs and not SLs."
After we parted company at the pool, so she could take part in 2 hours of swim coaching, I decided to knuckle down and cycle back to a warm bath as quickly as possible. A few miles into the return trip, I began to wonder if I had gained any admiration from E.H. for my last remark.
Ping, pink, plunk, bugger. That's the sound of a spoke breaking, although I added the bugger bit.
My rear wheel now only spun through 310 degrees instead of 360, due to the warping effect of non-uniform tension. I looked up to see a road sign, Perth, 6 miles. Now, to say I was a little bit emotional would have been understating the case. But Ironman is as much a mental battle as it is physical. So no messing about. The bike was hidden in a ditch and the brick session commenced. 6 miles of running in SPD cycle shoes is not the most comfortable thing to do on a Sunday afternoon, but at least I now understand why some people go out running along main roads. It's purely for added mental torture to enhance the physical pain. I wouldn't have minded so much had I not spent five and three quarter hours the previous day running 20 miles across 4 Munros. Gotta get tough for Ironman.
Since she hasn't acknowledged my jokey text thanking her for the outing and describing my amusing misadventure, I presume she has tagged me as not worthy to incorporate into her Ironman training schedule.
Current weight was 13 stones (182 pounds / 82.5 kg) until I ate my own weight in Pringles "to aid recovery".
Thursday 8 January 2009
It's all about the bike
The arrival of a new Triathlon buddy, E.H., couldn't have come at a better time, what with The Editor being temporarily incapacitated having taken up shoulder barging cars as a new hobby - gotta get tough for Ironman!
The Editor's enthusiasm for cycle training and E.H.'s repeated comments about training plans, heart rate monitors and long cycles have highlighted the drastic need to step up my regime.
Looking at the distances that I need to cover, I don't think that my country is big enough. So I'm opting for extreme training. Last weekend I found myself running up a Munro in the middle of a severe weather warning. It wasn't a particularly clever thing to do, but the added squats (to duck out the wind and prevent myself from being blown of the hill) added to the experience. The high winds and rain continued into Sunday, peaking during the middle of my hilly cycle and almost reducing me to tears. No fooling about this weekend, though. It's serious.
Bearing in mind that I'm doing this for fun, Saturday should see a 28km, 4 Munro run, with the option to add another 2 Munros and 12k if I'm feeling good. Sunday sees a 5 or 6 hour cycle with a fully fledged Ironman/lady. The forecast is for wind and snow. Ideal training conditions for a race to be held in the South of France during Summer.
Current weight is 13 stones 2 pounds (184 pounds / 83.5 kg).
The Editor's enthusiasm for cycle training and E.H.'s repeated comments about training plans, heart rate monitors and long cycles have highlighted the drastic need to step up my regime.
Looking at the distances that I need to cover, I don't think that my country is big enough. So I'm opting for extreme training. Last weekend I found myself running up a Munro in the middle of a severe weather warning. It wasn't a particularly clever thing to do, but the added squats (to duck out the wind and prevent myself from being blown of the hill) added to the experience. The high winds and rain continued into Sunday, peaking during the middle of my hilly cycle and almost reducing me to tears. No fooling about this weekend, though. It's serious.
Bearing in mind that I'm doing this for fun, Saturday should see a 28km, 4 Munro run, with the option to add another 2 Munros and 12k if I'm feeling good. Sunday sees a 5 or 6 hour cycle with a fully fledged Ironman/lady. The forecast is for wind and snow. Ideal training conditions for a race to be held in the South of France during Summer.
Current weight is 13 stones 2 pounds (184 pounds / 83.5 kg).
I don't want to be normal
I want to be a Triathlete. And I've just found out that the average body fat percentage of a male triathlete lies between 5% and 12%, meaning that at a right royal 16.2%, I'm a total fatty.
It never ends.
Current weight is 13 stones 2 pounds (184 pounds / 83.5 kg).
It never ends.
Current weight is 13 stones 2 pounds (184 pounds / 83.5 kg).
Wednesday 7 January 2009
After all the hard work .............. I'm normal
In the beginning, which seems like an age ago now, my personal trainer hooked me up to some electrical device that takes a myriad of readings by sending electical pulses around your body. After my initial test, the machine prompty blew up, or simply gave up through exhaustion. But tonight I was informed that the old Bodystat 1500 has risen from the ashes after more than a year's recovery time.
Drum roll, please, for the results:
NEW ME:
OLD ME: Weight = 21 stones 7 pounds (301 pounds / 137 kg).
Current weight is 13 stones 2 pounds (184 pounds / 83.5 kg). This in itself is quite an achievement considering the abuses that took place over New Year.
Overall target = Ironman France this Summer.
Drum roll, please, for the results:
OLD ME: Fat % = 46.5% (or 10 stones). Target = 13 - 19%.
NEW ME: Fat % = 16.2% (or 2 stones, 2 pounds).
OLD ME: Water % = 33.3%. Target = 60%.
NEW ME: Water % = 58.8%.
OLD ME: Lean muscle % = 53.5%. Target = 85%.
NEW ME: Lean muscle % = 83.8%.
NEW ME:
OLD ME: Weight = 21 stones 7 pounds (301 pounds / 137 kg).
Current weight is 13 stones 2 pounds (184 pounds / 83.5 kg). This in itself is quite an achievement considering the abuses that took place over New Year.
Overall target = Ironman France this Summer.
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