Tranent Sprint Triathlon - a victory for Loctite 9461

It worked! The glue worked! Loctite 9461, stand up and take a bow! Actually, thinking about it, just stay exactly where you are until at least après Ironman France.

Just as well it held together really, because it was so cold and windy that my eyes were constantly streaming and I could hardly see the road, let alone examine my bottom bracket for hairline cracks on the move. Nevertheless, since the event incorporated the Scottish University Sprint Triathlon Championships, there was plenty of other lycra encased bottom brackets to examine.

Build up: The air of pre-race tension was palpable, or perhaps that was just down to the frequent visits to the bathroom after the poor timing of the bacon roll snack. Apparently The Editor has vanquished these nervous, ahem, 'jitters' and no longer needs to hunt around all floors of the building for an empty cubicle before a race. I wonder if his training programme includes a specific section on this subject?

The Swim: The over-riding thought going through my mind up to lap 20 (out of 30) was "When is this going to end?". The other 4 blokes in my lane had all overtaken me, but gradually and gracefully I accepted that I wasn't the fastest swimmer and used the remainder as my first proper attempt at "drafting". We exited the pool in quick succession, like the left hand side of Noah's gangplank; one by one.

The Bike: I was exceedingly pleased to overtake the aforementioned 4 blokes inside of the first kilometer. This was the only highlight of the event and I was loving my decision to avoid going totally anaerobic during the swim as I glided past the Z4 heart rate boys. The over-riding thought going through my mind for the entire remainder of the bike was "When the hell is this going to end?". The awfulness was blissfully interrupted when deciding if I should have a go at some 8 year old neds who were pretending to throw punches at all the cyclists on the way past.

The Run: I quickly passed one bloke on the first incline and didn't see a single other competitor for the remainder of the run. The over-riding thought going through my mind for the entire remainder of the run was "When the fcuk is this going to end?". My back was increasingly crippling me, my motivation had deserted me and there wasn't any of the usual lycra clad pace setters to distract the mind.

The Post Race: I met Alan the prospective Ironman at the snack stand. He was very nice, but the snacks were not. The over-riding thought going through my mind whilst eating the free ham sandwich was "When in God's name is this going to end?".

The Analysis: It turns out that being more than 20 stones for the majority of my adult life has actually been advantageous. It's very clear that my massively overdeveloped, load bearing legs are functioning well. From the event photographs, they actually look like they belong to one of those old ladies that you see in shopping centres - the ones who's ankles spill out over the tops of their shoes.

The Result: I don't think there is a clear victor between The Editor and I. It's a cliche, but we were both winners. Irrespective of the fact that my clock stopped more than 4 minutes ahead of his, we have both improved dramatically during our winter training; something that will be reinforced at the impending East Fife Sprint Triathlon.

Only whilst writing this entry has it dawned on me that my complete lack of enjoyment of the entire event can be narrowed down to one single issue - that I haven't even hit my stride during the distances of a Sprint Triathlon. I've become a stamina seeker.

Current weight is 13 stones 2 pounds (184 pounds / 83.5 kg).

Walking the tightrope

It's going to go right down to the wire.

The Loctite 9461 bicycle repair glue is due to be collected at 4pm this afternoon and applied by 8pm tonight. The datasheet informs me that a full cure is not achieved for 3 days at 22 degrees Celsius, i.e. Friday evening at 8pm.

Saying "bicycle repair glue" implies my current mechanical failure is little more than a puncture, which couldn't be further from the truth. What I'm really investing my Ironman dream in is tiny smear of some liquid substance applied over a 2.0cm cylindrical joint being tensily strong enough to support my body weight over all the various road vibrations, pedalling pressures and pothole impacts that will be encountered over the col de l'Ecre. And it's something that no professional bicycle repair outfit will even consider attempting. I also have to hope that all the banging with the rubber mallet to ease the tube off the lug hasn't hastened the fatigue of the other bonds. The whole thing sounds like utter madness to me. But madness is but a small step away from genius. I just hope that the Loctite boys weren't hungover when they made this batch.

I am faced with a dramatic choice for Saturday's Triathlon - put my faith entirely in 9461 or transfer all the components to The Editor's pre Team Banana frame. Leaving this decision until Friday night could mean a sleepless night of bicycle building.

Mental note to self - investigate the tensile strength of duct tape, which might be called upon to hold my bike together during the race.

Current weight is 13 stones 2 pounds (184 pounds / 83.5 kg).

A need to bond with my bicycle

My purchase of a carbon framed Specialized Allez Epic, circa 1990, last December looked like a bargain at the time. Unfortunately, the old adage of "There's no such thing as a free lunch" seems to be coming true. Well, coming apart would actually be more accurate. The glue that bonded the rear chainstays to the bottom bracket suddenly decided that 18 years of stalwart performance was more than enough and it's now gone on holiday. There's no sign of it anywhere; it's completely disintegrated. A quick phone call to my favourite bicycle shop ended with the suggestion that the bin is the most suitable receptacle for my bike. A bit annoying when they just took over £100 from me for its last service. The requisite "second opinion" came back terminal also.

Not one to give up easily, my favourite glue guys at V-Tech SMT Ltd (don't ask how I know such things) gave me the number for the Technical Support Group at Loctite. Half way through describing my situation, the very, very knowledgeable man stated Loctitie 9461 was the required 2 part epoxy, which incidentally they supply on an OEM basis to various cycle manufacturers for the bonding of carbon fibre and aluminium in the manufacture of forks. Bicycle forks, that is; nothing to do with the Ferrari canteen. What a result! I am now in the preparatory stages of extremely advanced DIY!!


This does not bode well for Saturday's Sprint Triathlon, the first Sprint Triathlon of the year. If the Loctite 9461 does not perform, The Editor is guaranteed a win providing he can avoid the dreaded DNS or DNF acronyms. I have to additionally contend with DOA , DIY, A&E and WTF. There is an outside chance of a meeting with the DEA if I get any performance boost from smelling the 9461. It really doesn't matter how much training I've done, or how developed my quads are, if I'm reduced to chasing his Team Banana [edit] 531 with my mountain bike.

Current weight is 13 stones 4 pounds (186 pounds / 84.4 kg).

Chocolate fuelled race times

I simply don't have enough time to cook sufficient quantities of food to satisfy my appetite. So tonight I found myself stocking up on chocolate bars (14 of various sizes and flavours to be precise) and have deposited them so they are within reach of wherever I happen to sit down.

You would think that my weight would be blooming, given this recent behavioural mirror of my previous lifestyle. In fact, it's stayed pretty much the same for as long as I can remember now and if I didn't scoff an extra thousand calories here and there, I'd be thinner than a rake.

Buoyed by the suggestions of an approaching Spring, tonight witnessed 2009's inaugural run around my benchmark 5km off road course. Not having completed a timed lap since the 21st July 2008 (25 minutes 40 seconds), I thought that 24 minutes 14 seconds was pretty good, considering I set off at 10k pace. To convince myself that I had actually knocked almost a minute and a half off my previous best without even trying, I did another 5km straight away. 25 minutes 54 secs.

Conclusive evidence that training does actually work.

The question is, will there have been enough training by June?

Current weight is 13 stones 2 pounds (184 pounds / 83.5 kg).

A Wee trip up North

Last Sunday's Wee Triathlon in Fort William can only be likened to participating in an ill equipped and unsupported trek to the North Pole, starting from a few miles off the nearest coastline without a boat. We were physically abused by the snowy conditions and thoroughly soaked within moments of starting the cycle due to the poor timing of the oncoming bus that churned through the world's largest slushy puddle, which we had the severe misfortune to be passing at the time. The icy tidal wave was timed to perfection for the amusement of all the passengers ensconced within. And it was in stark contrast to the intensely tropical temperatures of the Lochaber Leisure Centre swiming pool; temperatures which could only be surpassed by visiting the centre of our Sun, or the bedrooms within the Alexandra 'Hotel'. The less said about the remaining 9 miles of cycling, the better.

Lady B, who was supposed to be enjoying her first introduction to Triathlon, froze solid and I'm reliably informed that some extremities actually turned blue. It was a quick freeze feat that Captain Birdseye himself would have been proud of. Her teeth chattering was only interrupted by occasional bouts of Tourette's that would have offended even the old-school Clydeside shipyard workers. Yes, today I discovered that Triathlon is NOT for everyone.

Questions regarding the current 'Otter Series' tally should be directed towards The Editor. I can't keep abreast of what actually constitutes the counting rules, what with all the DNEs and DNSs that seem to ping-pong between us. Suffice to say that this year's Calendar is littered with unnecessary mini-Triathlons that will probably only hamper the main event and I predict that one of us will hit double figures one way or another ....

Current weight is 13 stones 4 pounds (186 pounds / 84.4 kg).

Can I have a new lower back?

I went on a cycle today. 105.5 km later, I've decided that I like my bicycle, but that my bicycle doesn't like my lower back. I certainly wouldn't want to run a marathon right now, that's for sure, and I only completed just over half the Ironman cycle distance. On a positive note, the pace puts me on a sub 8 hour cycle and doesn't rule out the possibility of crossing the finish line in 12.5 hours.

My double dinner last night, followed by snacking on an entire packet of chocolate fingers and a 100g bar of chocolate certainly gave me enough energy for the trip, and my triple dinner tonight has helped restock the muscles.

I'm really quite astonished that my body can process the quantities of food that are being shoveled in.

Current weight is 13 stones 2 pounds (184 pounds / 83.5 kg).