The Hogmany gym session proved very difficult considering that I nearly drained a full bottle of Whisky the night before. I felt less than half as fit as normal, which is actually still around twice as fit as 2 months ago.
In fact, Kristy warned me that unfamiliar portions of my face and neck were turning the wrong colour. Very different to the usual colours that demonstrated my excertions.
The solution - don't drink very much tonight during the Hogmany celebrations. Yeah, right!
Monday, 31 December 2007
Friday, 21 December 2007
Landmark 3
There are a lot of "Landmarks" appearing in quick succession recently. It's not so much that I'm literally Dripping Fat, rather it's owed more to the unique starting point and living in a society that uses both metric and imperial weight measurements.
This latest landmark sees me dip below 20 stones for the first time in 3 years. That's pretty significant. I can now use normal scales instead of "medical" or "industrial" scales. I've already rolled past a metric decade and now here's an imperial one. The same can't happen again, unless if I have all my limbs amputated or contract a tropical disease.
If I'm still below 20 stones on 1st January, it will be a miracle.
Current weight is 19 stones 13 pounds (279 pounds / 126.5 kg).
This latest landmark sees me dip below 20 stones for the first time in 3 years. That's pretty significant. I can now use normal scales instead of "medical" or "industrial" scales. I've already rolled past a metric decade and now here's an imperial one. The same can't happen again, unless if I have all my limbs amputated or contract a tropical disease.
If I'm still below 20 stones on 1st January, it will be a miracle.
Current weight is 19 stones 13 pounds (279 pounds / 126.5 kg).
Monday, 17 December 2007
6 weeks in
6 weeks in and I've established a routine.
Monday, Wednesday, Friday; Spinning (45 minutes) followed by swimming 1 km (20 minutes).
Tuesday; Training Day (One and a half hours).
Thursday; Gym work (at least one hour).
Who would have thought that a couch potatoe could enjoy that regime in only a matter of weeks! The couch potatoe description was actually pretty accurate due to the amount of Pringles I used to eat.
Monday, Wednesday, Friday; Spinning (45 minutes) followed by swimming 1 km (20 minutes).
Tuesday; Training Day (One and a half hours).
Thursday; Gym work (at least one hour).
Who would have thought that a couch potatoe could enjoy that regime in only a matter of weeks! The couch potatoe description was actually pretty accurate due to the amount of Pringles I used to eat.
Friday, 14 December 2007
Landmark 2
It may not seem much, but I've lost another 2 pounds, which makes 16 so far. My current weight is 20 stone 5 pounds (285 pounds / 129.5 kg). I have descended into the 120's on the abacus styled scales. No longer do I need to slide the decade lever so far to the right.
It's taken more than 2 weeks to budge these stubborn 2 pounds, but they have been well and truly budged by Spinning.
Of course the weight loss gives me boost. But something else has happened.
I've crossed the threshold from pain to pleasure.
In fact, I can't wait for the next thigh burning episode of Spinning. My lungs feel close to bursting, my throat screams for a waterfall to drink from and there is so much sweat that I am seriously considering bringing a drip tray to the next session. But I like it. 8 weeks ago I would have punched you in the nose if you'd even suggested that I should get on a bike. Now I find myself pedaling in my sleep.
The taught, svelte, Lycra covered frame of the Spinning Instructor was certainly persuasive enough to ensure my initial participation, but I'm seeking pleasure in other ways now.
It's taken more than 2 weeks to budge these stubborn 2 pounds, but they have been well and truly budged by Spinning.
Of course the weight loss gives me boost. But something else has happened.
I've crossed the threshold from pain to pleasure.
In fact, I can't wait for the next thigh burning episode of Spinning. My lungs feel close to bursting, my throat screams for a waterfall to drink from and there is so much sweat that I am seriously considering bringing a drip tray to the next session. But I like it. 8 weeks ago I would have punched you in the nose if you'd even suggested that I should get on a bike. Now I find myself pedaling in my sleep.
The taught, svelte, Lycra covered frame of the Spinning Instructor was certainly persuasive enough to ensure my initial participation, but I'm seeking pleasure in other ways now.
Thursday, 13 December 2007
Gushing (Slight Return)
It was a week since the original Gushing. But during yesterday's introduction to the "Concept 2" rowing machine, Kristy returned very swiftly to the main event of last weeks session, projectile sweating.
I believe I have made an impression!
She still couldn't believe she bore witness to the event with her own eyes. It was confirmed that I am unique in her clientele history; the only one who can perform this act. Actually, she offered further details of the event, which I didn't pick up on last week amidst the confusion. Not only did the Gush eminate from the back of my head, it was immediately precursed by a like Gushing of sweat from the front of my head. A double whammy!
After some pretty serious, in-depth technical discussions on human physiology, it was concluded that the event looks something akin to this.
I believe I have made an impression!
She still couldn't believe she bore witness to the event with her own eyes. It was confirmed that I am unique in her clientele history; the only one who can perform this act. Actually, she offered further details of the event, which I didn't pick up on last week amidst the confusion. Not only did the Gush eminate from the back of my head, it was immediately precursed by a like Gushing of sweat from the front of my head. A double whammy!
After some pretty serious, in-depth technical discussions on human physiology, it was concluded that the event looks something akin to this.
Wednesday, 5 December 2007
Gushing
18 minutes into a 25 minute burst on the cross trainer and Kristy tells me to up the steps per minute to 145. I duly oblige since my legs are feeling pretty good at this point.
"I've never seen that before.", she exclaimed with a quizzical look in her eyes.
"Seen what?", my response tinged with worry.
"Sweat just gushed from the back of your head. I've never seen anything like it!"
Of all the things I would like to be remembered for, I never thought it might be my ability to project sweat from my head.
"I've never seen that before.", she exclaimed with a quizzical look in her eyes.
"Seen what?", my response tinged with worry.
"Sweat just gushed from the back of your head. I've never seen anything like it!"
Of all the things I would like to be remembered for, I never thought it might be my ability to project sweat from my head.
Tuesday, 4 December 2007
Gym Balls up
"You really like balls" was one of the most embarrassing things I could have said to Kristy the trainer. It just popped out, though. Thankfully it was the only ball that did, despite my baggy excercise shorts.
I managed to keep a straight face and didn't turn purple, so I think I got away with it.
5 nights in the gym last week ensured that I didn't bloat above my Landmark 1, despite 2 Chinese takeways and a box of Salt and Vinegar Rice Pringles. Tonight's Pizza Duathlon is giving slight cause for concern, however. If you are in any doubt, that means Pizza followed by a little more Pizza.
I'm going to tell Kristy that I've been bad this week and see what happens ...
I managed to keep a straight face and didn't turn purple, so I think I got away with it.
5 nights in the gym last week ensured that I didn't bloat above my Landmark 1, despite 2 Chinese takeways and a box of Salt and Vinegar Rice Pringles. Tonight's Pizza Duathlon is giving slight cause for concern, however. If you are in any doubt, that means Pizza followed by a little more Pizza.
I'm going to tell Kristy that I've been bad this week and see what happens ...
Tuesday, 27 November 2007
Landmark 1
I had a broad smile on my face when the scales displayed I have lost 1 stone (14 lbs / 6.4 kg).
Today also sees the arrival of my very own 65cm gym ball complete with DVD. Thank you eBay.
Today also sees the arrival of my very own 65cm gym ball complete with DVD. Thank you eBay.
Wednesday, 21 November 2007
Feel good factor
I'd forgotten all about endorphins. They really work! The most noticeable side-effect now (after the enhanced taste sensations) is that I'm no longer pissed off most of the time. I can't say I'm jumping for joy yet, but there is a noticeable shift away from the negative.
Plus, my belt is one notch tighter. It took 10 minutes on the treadmill (fast walking pace) before I broke into a sweat today. When I first began a few weeks ago, I was on the brink of heart failure within 20 seconds. What will 6 months of this bring? See - positivity is creeping in.
All the heavyweight machines are proving to be "enjoyable". But I have encountered a strange kind of evil. One that is becoming obsessive.
The most innocuous of equipment, the 65cm ball.
It happened during my first session of stomach crunches. The phenomenon that ensued must have looked something akin to a fathomous creature from the deep being hauled onto a dry dock. It was extremely dramatic and I'm thankful that I remain in one piece. Even before the first crunch, somewhere around the time my brain heard the "how to" instructions, my stomach muscles began to realise that the game was up. No longer were they to be used solely to hold in the bloated aftermath of a Chinese takeaway.
Crunch ONE: My stomach began trembling before I'd even lifted 10cm off the ball.
Crunch TWO: The trembling very, very rapidly became shaking.
Crunch THREE: The shaking, which was becoming a matter of concern, deteriorated into rapid vibration.
Crunch FOUR: I could barely see by now. I felt like my stomach was on the receiving end of this.
Crunch FIVE: The vibrations spread outwards from my stomach, travelled up to my chin and were now causing my eyeballs to jiggle loosely inside my head.
"Okay, half way now, just 5 more" Kristy motivated.
"Half way! Only half *&$£"&* way!". Another 5 and I would surely be crippled for life.
I swear if you had hooked up my belly to a wave machine I could have fed the national grid.
The same effect is still reproduced now, even after 4 attempts. But I've concluded that 65cm gym balls are not only for girls and I've bought one for "private" use. Yes, it's disturbingly enjoyable.
Plus, my belt is one notch tighter. It took 10 minutes on the treadmill (fast walking pace) before I broke into a sweat today. When I first began a few weeks ago, I was on the brink of heart failure within 20 seconds. What will 6 months of this bring? See - positivity is creeping in.
All the heavyweight machines are proving to be "enjoyable". But I have encountered a strange kind of evil. One that is becoming obsessive.
The most innocuous of equipment, the 65cm ball.
It happened during my first session of stomach crunches. The phenomenon that ensued must have looked something akin to a fathomous creature from the deep being hauled onto a dry dock. It was extremely dramatic and I'm thankful that I remain in one piece. Even before the first crunch, somewhere around the time my brain heard the "how to" instructions, my stomach muscles began to realise that the game was up. No longer were they to be used solely to hold in the bloated aftermath of a Chinese takeaway.
Crunch ONE: My stomach began trembling before I'd even lifted 10cm off the ball.
Crunch TWO: The trembling very, very rapidly became shaking.
Crunch THREE: The shaking, which was becoming a matter of concern, deteriorated into rapid vibration.
Crunch FOUR: I could barely see by now. I felt like my stomach was on the receiving end of this.
Crunch FIVE: The vibrations spread outwards from my stomach, travelled up to my chin and were now causing my eyeballs to jiggle loosely inside my head.
"Okay, half way now, just 5 more" Kristy motivated.
"Half way! Only half *&$£"&* way!". Another 5 and I would surely be crippled for life.
I swear if you had hooked up my belly to a wave machine I could have fed the national grid.
The same effect is still reproduced now, even after 4 attempts. But I've concluded that 65cm gym balls are not only for girls and I've bought one for "private" use. Yes, it's disturbingly enjoyable.
Friday, 16 November 2007
Food, glorious food
I could go on and on about what I did during today's training session, but I'll skip right to the end when Kristy suggested I rub myself with Bio Oil to help reduce my stretch-marked belly and saggy man breasts as I lose weight.
Of course, all I heard was a beautiful lady talking about "rubbing oil on breasts" and I immediately had to lie face down and pretend to do some press ups while I regained a semblance of control.
The single most noticeable result from the weight loss efforts to date is, in actual fact, a rather disturbing paradox. There has been a startling awakening of my taste buds. I ate the most beautiful lunch I've ever had today, straight after I returned from training.
On a slightly toasted Tiger roll (seaseme oil drizzled on the top during baking) I had the following:
3 slices of unsmoked back bacon (with a little salty bite and the fat grilled until crispy),
Lurpak pretend butter on both sides of the roll,
A little Chinese lettuce leaf,
A single (vertically) sliced spring onion.
Weight loss so far is 11 lbs (5kg), but how long can this last when food tastes better than ever before?
Of course, all I heard was a beautiful lady talking about "rubbing oil on breasts" and I immediately had to lie face down and pretend to do some press ups while I regained a semblance of control.
The single most noticeable result from the weight loss efforts to date is, in actual fact, a rather disturbing paradox. There has been a startling awakening of my taste buds. I ate the most beautiful lunch I've ever had today, straight after I returned from training.
On a slightly toasted Tiger roll (seaseme oil drizzled on the top during baking) I had the following:
3 slices of unsmoked back bacon (with a little salty bite and the fat grilled until crispy),
Lurpak pretend butter on both sides of the roll,
A little Chinese lettuce leaf,
A single (vertically) sliced spring onion.
Weight loss so far is 11 lbs (5kg), but how long can this last when food tastes better than ever before?
Friday, 9 November 2007
Game on
It's been longer than I care to remember since a woman has got me sweating.
10 more thrusts, just 10 more. This time, like the last, my thighs were burning, but I actually got more enjoyment from today's first personal training session. Certainly there was a lot more positive encouragement.
It marks a bit of a mental turning point; the first and highest hurdle has been successfully jumped.
The burning sensation was swiftly replaced by a sense of acheivement, which optimistically lingers on. Or is that the Whisky?
Weight loss so far is 7 lbs (3kg), mainly from thinking before I eat (most of the time).
10 more thrusts, just 10 more. This time, like the last, my thighs were burning, but I actually got more enjoyment from today's first personal training session. Certainly there was a lot more positive encouragement.
It marks a bit of a mental turning point; the first and highest hurdle has been successfully jumped.
The burning sensation was swiftly replaced by a sense of acheivement, which optimistically lingers on. Or is that the Whisky?
Weight loss so far is 7 lbs (3kg), mainly from thinking before I eat (most of the time).
Wednesday, 7 November 2007
A stumble by the wayside
When I finally came to my senses and regained some control over my hands, I found myself staring at less than one quarter of a Big Mac. To be on the safe side, I shovelled it in my mouth so it could rejoin the currently missing three quarters which I can only presume was residing inside my Belly. I use a capital B, because it's ever so close to being a proper noun; a placename.
This has all happened before the first personal training session, so Kristy will have to drive me an extra 900 calories worth to compensate.
I wonder if the top Triathletes begin their training regime with a trip to McDonalds?
This has all happened before the first personal training session, so Kristy will have to drive me an extra 900 calories worth to compensate.
I wonder if the top Triathletes begin their training regime with a trip to McDonalds?
Thursday, 1 November 2007
Doctor knows best
After a very stressful half hour, I have to drop everything and go the Doctor's to get my BP checked due to the frighteningly high level measured a few days ago.
142 over 85 means that the instructor is going to show me no mercy! I think Kristy needs a new machine.
142 over 85 means that the instructor is going to show me no mercy! I think Kristy needs a new machine.
Tuesday, 30 October 2007
In the beginning
Given the ridiculously high levels measured by Kristy, it's a wonder I'm still alive. The electrical apparatus I was plugged into indicates that I should have had a cardiac arrest about 6 months ago. I’m still here, though. In fact, you can’t miss me.
Weight = 21 stones 7 pounds (301 pounds / 137 kg). Target = 11 stones 7 pounds (161 pounds / 73 kg).
Fat % = 46.5% (or 10 stones). Target = 13 - 19%.
Water % = 33.3%. Target = 60%.
Well, it's all been a bit much, especially the seriousness of the look on her face regarding my BP. I'm off to the Doctor to get the all clear for the ensuing action. Let's hope that Kristy's BP machine was broken and I'm not going to collapse after the first step.
Overall target = Sprint Triathlon next Summer.
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